This is a quote in my American Baby magazine:

“Going through labor itself is very demanding-it’s like running a half marathon,” Dr. Atlas says. “Expect many muscles in your body to feel exhausted after the experience.”

A HALF MARATHON?  Only a half?  I’ve been imaging a double full or an Iron Man.  But a half marathon?  You have to be kidding me.  I can go run that tomorrow pain-free.

Please, any mothers out there that have run a half marathon, please help me with this comment.  Is there really a comparison?  I don’t want to get my hopes up! 

On most nights our 50 lbs. Doberman sleeps in our queen size bed with us.  Throughout the night she will slam her body against mine for more room.  Instead of pushing her off the bed I give her more room.  Frank does the same so by morning he is hanging off the bed.  Yes, we spoil our dog. 

Frank’s wonderful cousin mentioned a baby bassinet that connects to the bed.  Only problem is Sophie sleeps right next to me so there wouldn’t be room for the both of them. 

So I bought a dog bed at the advice of a couple we meet at couple’s retreat weekend. The plan was to put the dog bed in our bed and make Sophie sleep on that.  After a week or so I would move the dog bed to the floor and Sophie would lie on the floor as well.

It didn’t work out so well on our bed so I just laid it on the floor next to the bed.  She ignored it.  I did too.  This week I decided to move the dog bed to the couch she sleeps on.  Again, she is spoiled.  While we are at work she sleeps on “her couch” all day.  Nobody else is allowed on that couch.  So I moved her new dog bed to the couch.  Sophie still wouldn’t have anything to do with it.  She would lie on the part of the couch where the bed didn’t touch.  However, yesterday we noticed she was resting her paws on the bed.  She must have liked it because awhile later she had her head on it like it was a pillow.

And this morning… 

she was sleeping all the way on the dog bed.  She didn’t even come to bed with us last night.  She went right to her bed on her couch.  She must have slept well because she didn’t hear me get up this morning.  So yeah, I guess the plan is working.  We just have to keep it up for the next six months.

Yeah I failed.  I figured I would when I saw the test.  By the 10th question I already had three marked questionable.  Of the six sections I passed four, one of them I got a 100%.  I just bombed the other two sections so bad that I failed altogether.

Oh well.  Looks like I will take them all over again.  But this time the company will pay for it.

but I thought it would be best using these last few days to study.  I’m being very pessimistic, I know.  I don’t have faith in myself, I know.  But honestly it is because I didn’t study as hard as I usually would.  In college you had an entire semester devoted to a set of classes.  At the end of the semester you took your finals.  You prepared for those finals for months.  Everything was fresh in your head.  This real estate stuff isn’t fresh.  I started taking the classes on March 3, 2007.   I had to take 48 hours and pass the test within six months.  I waited until September 3, 2007.  Exactly six months.  I was given another six months to take my 24 hours and pass the AMP test.  And here I am taking the test at the last minute again.  If I don’t pass the AMP tomorrow I need to try and take it again on Saturday or Monday.  If I can’t get in to take the test again then I have to take the classes all over and pay all over.  That would be approximately $500 down the drain. 

I lack the college structure.  I’ve been winging this on my own for the last year.  During the last year I started a huge project at work which I am still working on, I coached a marathon, trained & completed a half marathon, trained & completed a full marathon, my husband lost his job, my husband got a job, celebrated our one year anniversary, became an RCIA sponsor, went on a trip to KC, went on a trip to Memphis, went on a trip to Chicago, visited Piedmont, got pregnant!  So yeah, my life has been fun filled and busy busy busy.  I didn’t make much of an effort to study for this exam.  It was not on the top of my priority list. 

But life has been too good this last year to wish that I would have studied more.  If I fail, I fail.  There will always be other test.  It just means I have to pay for it again.  I can’t dwell on it.  I’ll have no regrets.

Need I say more?  At first I thought they were a bunch of big, bad meany men.  But then a couple weeks ago when they honored Trent by voting him off they started to model a place in my heart.  This week they made Mark proud and voted him off.  I cried the entire last 15 minutes.  The love these men have for each other is incredible.  I hope one of them goes all the way. 

If the black team loses again it will be Kelly.  The other three on the team are too clicky.  Reminds me of high school.

Frank and I do not plan on finding out the sex of the baby.  As hard as it will be to not find out, we both think the reward at the birth will be even better.  I can picture the doctor telling me to push one last really good time, I push really hard and squeeze Frank’s hands, the doctor then says “the head is coming out,” Frank looks at me and I look at him and we start to cry as we both turn towards the doctor, and then my heart just stops…waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting for the doctor to lift the baby out and announce, “it’s a ___.”  I can’t even begin to imagine the anticipation of that moment.  The long nine months of dreaming of this wonderful, beautiful baby and being in that exact moment where you finally get to see if the lovely darling is a boy or girl.  It amazes me.

So here are the names. 

Girl:

If Baby P is a girl, we are 100% guaranteed naming her Mary Rene.  Obviously, Mary is the name of the Blessed Mother so you can’t go wrong there!  Plus, Mary is my grandma’s name.  The last girl born in our family was Penny and that was 24 years ago.  Pumpkin wanted another granddaughter so bad.  She loved all her grandbabies but she really just wanted another girl.  When Pumpkin passed away two years ago I decided I would name my first daughter after her as a way to honor her memory.  So Mary it is.  Rene is my middle name and that comes from my grandpa.  I like the idea of carrying on his legacy as well.  So in a way, if we have a girl we would be united my grandma and grandpa back together!  Although I don’t think they would be too thrilled about that.

Boy:

Frank and I have been struggling with a boy name since we found out we were pregnant.  At first Frank was leaning towards Ethan Francis.  It does have a nice ring to it but I keep thinking about our son being in kindergarten and his friends not being able to pronounce his name.  Plus I really wanted something Biblical.  Sure Francis is St. Francis the patron saint of animals which fits my life so well.  And of course Francis is Frank’s real name.  But I wanted more out of the first name.  And then about two weeks ago, Frank came up with the name Luke Francis.  I love it as well.  I thought of my friend Michelle instantly who has a boy named Luke and I hope she doesn’t mind!  But Luke Francis feels right.  Frank is not sure what made him think of Luke.  He thought of the name after the Luke 18 Retreat so that might have something to do with it.  But he just said it came to his mind.  So maybe it was God whispering it in his ear.  Luke, being one of the four gospel writers of the Bible, is the writer who shows so much compassion for Jesus.  So Luke is definitely Biblical enough for me.  And to add another angle, Luke is the patron saint of doctors and artist.  Frank is working at a hospital and I am trying to get back into writing, a form of art.  So Luke was meant to be.

So right now it is Mary Rene and Luke Francis.  I feel good about these names.  Now when I daydream about my little baby I have a name to say.  As I tenderly hold the baby in my arms for the first time, I can see myself saying, “Mary Rene, I am honored to be your mother,” or “Luke Francis, you are a gift from God.”

When I was in college I was on the newspaper staff and my whole life revolved around deadlines.  We had to get our stories in by Monday so they could be edited by Tuesday morning and sent to the printer by Tuesday night for Thursday morning distribution.  On Wednesday we would get our new stories for the following week and the process would start all over again.  For some reason I would procrastinate like crazy.  I work well under pressure I guess.  I always had my stories in on time but I would burn the midnight oil on Monday night.  Then I would spend the entire day on Tuesday editing the other stories and doing the page layout.  It was a rush.

My Outlook reminder popped up at 3 and told me to “DEVOTE 1 HOUR TO STUDYING REAL ESTATE.”  I looked at it for a few minutes but got bored.  I walked in the manager’s desk and chit’d the chat for awhile.  I checked my personal email and now I am here.  I really need to get back there though.

I really think I will fail this test.  Which would make you think that I would try harder to study.  But honestly, I just don’t care.  I should have taken this test back in December when I finished all my exams but I delayed.  And now my license is about to expire (March 3rd) and here I am. 

I know having a license is important for my job (kind of) and it will help provide a back-up plan.  But my mind is other places.  I keep thinking about Baby P.  I have baby on my mind all the time.  I keep picturing the little fingers and toes.  Will those eyes by brown or hazel?  Olive or fair skin?  Yeah I definitely am distracted.  And hungry.

Weight: 135.5  (I can’t believe I only gained a pound while I was in Arkansas.  I had to eat out everyday for lunch and dinner.)

Signs of pregnancy: I got a baby belly growing!  I noticed it in Arkansas when I walked pass the full length mirror in my pjs.  I thought it was that fat roll so I did my trusty test-I tried sucking it in.  It didn’t budge.  So it looks like the belly has begun!  So exciting!  (can you see it in the photo?)

Baby Development: Wonderful little Baby P is starting to grow hair all over the body.  ha!  If this baby is anything like me, it will come out with a full head of hair!  No kidding.  Baby P is starting to move around more and can stretch, do somersaults and forward rolls. 

Thoughts:  Frank and I picked baby names!  But more to come on that. 

Concerns:  My stomach was doing weird things when I was on my business trip.  I kid you not it felt like there was an alien in there.  My upper stomach cavity would start pulsating after I ate.  I would lift my shirt and watch it move.  It was really weird.  Frank said it was gas.

Oh gosh I am doing a lot of talking today.  I guess I am making up for last week.

So I added a blogroll to my page today.  I’ve wanting to do it and haven’t been organized enough yet to get er done.  So I have it up now.  It is a work in progress.  Half my links are on this computer and half are on the one at work.  Yes, I play on the internet at work.  Who doesn’t?

And to all my readers, send your blessings and prayers to Meredith.  A beautiful woman of God who just found out she is expecting.  Can I say it enough, God is good!  Trust in the Lord and He will provide.

So this is it for the day.  Tomorrow I am back in the office with a ton of catch up work to do.  Tomorrow I have an appointment with my allergist.  Tomorrow I start yoga.  Oh and by the way, I somehow have to find time to study for my real estate exam which I take on FRIDAY!  yikes.

Lately I feel like I have been struggling with my Lenten journey.  I had good intentions going into Lent but those deeds and devotions have faded.  I’ve let my trivial life take priority.  I’m letting the devil tempt me.  I have felt this way for the last week or so but I haven’t done anything about it.  I know it is not too late but I just feel a little stuck.

Everyday during Lent, Frank and I pray for a different person.  Every morning I would wake up and tell Frank who we were to pray for that day.  Every night before we go to bed I would pull out “Word Among Us” and the Bible and have Frank sit down to listen.  Then one day I pulled it out and Frank implied that I was shoving it down his throat.  That comment made me realize that I have been pushy about our spiritual side.  I have been the spiritual director of our marriage and I guess I didn’t feel like I should be the spiritual director anymore.  Is that wrong to say?

So for the last two weeks I haven’t been pushing it.  I’ve been doing the “Word Among Us” alone and have tried not to announce our daily person.  We were originally going to research a different saint each week, just like we did last year, but I haven’t even asked about it.  I got the list sitting next to the computer and haven’t done a thing to it yet.   The most we have done together during Lent besides Sunday Mass is Fish Fry Friday. 

I don’t know why I let things bother me so much.  It was a silly little comment he made and I’m sure he made it out of frustration.  It was probably a long day and he wasn’t ready to read.  He was tired and ready for bed and all I could think about was getting in our nightly reading.  I let that silly little comment change my Lenten journey and daily walk with God.  It was the devil speaking not Frank.  I truly know that.  The devil knows my weakness and knows how much that stupid comment would affect me. 

At the time I didn’t realize it was a devilish remark.  I have held it against Frank these last two weeks.  I feel spiritually disconnected from him.  But today at Mass I thought a lot about it and I realized it wasn’t Frank speaking. 

I need to go back to being the spiritual director of our marriage.  Only through prayer will God’s plan work.  I know someday Frank will be ready to take over as the spiritual director of our family.  And I just have to be patient until that time comes.  I can’t just give up.  I can’t let the devil win.