Bags packed and outlets covered

Car seat installed

Crib up (once we know the gender, we are going to write the baby’s name on the wall behind the crib)

Diaper bag filled and rocking chair ready to rock baby to sleep

Baby clothes and receiving blankets washed and put away in drawers.  Changing table ready (we still have a shelf to hang on this wall)

Bouncy swing assembled in front room (right next to the new entertainment center)

Sophie, still has her own couch, anxiously awaiting the arrival of her little baby brother/sister

Continued from Part IV.

That first time back at Mass with my mom was Palm Sunday.  Through Father John I was again able to hear God talking to me.  The Mass was great and my mom and me decided to start attending Mass every week with her friend Nancy.  We came back the following week and attended the Easter Mass, probably my first Easter Mass since I was a young girl.

A few days after Easter I remember being out with my then boyfriend and looking over at him and realizing that it was time to let go.  We had been dating for 3 1/2 years and our relationship was going no where.  I had not even shared my new religious experience with him and didn’t plan on it.  That was a definite sign that it was over.  But I let a few more weeks go by.  I remember one Saturday night I was at his house with a bunch of his friends.  It was about midnight or so and they were all playing drinking games.  I told him I had to leave and he insisted that I stayed awhile longer.  I kept telling him that I had to get up early and needed my sleep.  He kept insisting so I finally said, “I have to get up for church tomorrow.”  The whole room got quiet.  I think we could both sense at that moment it was over.  He broke the tension and laughed and said, “since when do you go to church.”  I told him I had been going for the last month.  And then he let me leave.  The next weekend we broke up. 

I vowed to stay single for six months!  I couldn’t remember the last time I was single and I decided it was time to concentrate on myself and get my life in order.  I spent this time hanging out with my friends and I kept attending church with my mom.  I wasn’t on fire with my faith yet but I felt like I was on the right path for once.

Eight months after breaking up with that boyfriend, I started dating Frank.  I swear I knew right away that he was The One.  I remember on our first date (we went for a run) I showed up at his house and there was a huge statue of the Blessed Mother in the front room.  Previously our mutual friend had told me Frank was a strong Catholic and he would be good for me.  I didn’t realize he was that strong though.

Three months later I finally made my Confirmation!  I chose the Confirmation name of St. Rose Philippine Duchesne.  I admired her for the work she did with the poor and her efforts to educate the local Indians.  Little did I know that a year later I would buy a house in the same city where she founded the first Catholic Indian School. 

After I was Confirmed, Frank and I started attending church together every weekend.  By this time I had been back to church for a year now.  My mom and me were attending but not on a regular basis.  But with Frank, it was every weekend.  Even holy days.  One week we would go to my church and see Father John and the next weekend we would go to his church. 

About two or three years into dating I started to get bored with the Catholic faith.  I still wasn’t on fire with my faith and I could tell Frank wasn’t either.  We were both going through the motions.  I started considering joining a non-denominational church.  I needed a Bible Study or something that explained God to me better.  Mass wasn’t cutting it for me anymore.  When I mentioned it to Frank, he got very upset.  Very very upset.  I mentioned how I felt like we were going through the motions but not feeling anything.  That upset him more.  Our conversation turned into marriage and he said he was going to have a real problem with me not being Catholic anymore.  This was really going to effect our relationship and a possibility of a future.   

To Be Continued

Weeks maybe months ago, I mentioned that I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish in life before I passed away.  I made the list back in 2000 or 2001.  I know the list has been revised a few times but below is the latest and greatest list.  When I first made the list I took it really seriously and aimed at marking items off of it.  But the last couple years I haven’t paid much attention to it.   I just read the list for the first time in probably a year and realize that I sound much more adventurous then I really am, or care to be anymore.

The items crossed off are things I have marked off the list already.  As you can see I haven’t put a dent into the list yet.   

1. Find dad’s brother & sister
2. Meet my grandma
3. Buy a house
4. Finish making quilt
5. Learn to cross stitch like my mom
6. Change the oil in my car by myself
7. Go to a spa
8. Test drive an expensive car
9. Adopt-A-Highway
10. Get married once and stay married
11. Have Successful marriage that my children envy
12. Read more classic books from my book list
13. Join a club/organization
14. Own land
15. Travel abroad
16. Go camping for a week
17. Travel US in an RV
18. Go on a safari
19. Stay the night in a log cabin
20. Canoe in Venice, Italy
21. Get Confirmed
22. Learn to swing dance
23. Learn to play the guitar
24. Learn sign language
25. Rent more classic movies
26. Go to an opera
27. Go to a car race
28. Go to a horse race and bet
29. Go to a Broadway play in New York
30. Ride in a limo
31. Watch the sunset
32. See the sunrise
33. Go on a carriage ride
34. Climb a mountain
35. Run in a marathon
36. Parachute
37. Para sail
38. Scuba dive
39. Learn to go underwater without holding my nose
40. Go white water rafting
41. Ride a dolphin
42. Go on a hot air balloon ride
43. Ride in a helicopter
44. Read the entire Bible
45. Ski in Colorado
46. Eat more ethnic food
47. Be happy
48. Be able to pay for my children’s education
49. Go Christmas caroling
50. Snuggle with my husband, wrapped in a blanket, sipping on hot coco in front of a fire
51. Be mute for a day
52. Attend class reunion
53. Visit Oklahoma City National Memorial Center
54. Be loved
55. Do Habitat for Humanity
56. Pilgrimage to Lourdes, France
57. See stars through telescope
58. Get published as a columnist
59. Write a book
60. Interview someone famous
61. Remodel basement
62. Teach dog to sit
63. Learn to live in the moment
64. Do charity work
65. Attend Mass at St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome
66. Do missionary work abroad
67. Plant a tree
68. Live life like a saint
69. Have no regrets

I can’t find the article but a reporter once asked Senator Obama what he would do if one of his young daughters got pregnant.  Obama started off by saying that he hopes he has/is raising his daughters with good morals and ethics to make the right decisions.  However, if one of them did end up pregnant he wouldn’t want his daughter to be punished for the mistake she made.

That makes me think of a few things.

1. My mom.  She is so excited about her first grand baby.  Nearly every time I talk to her she will tell me something one of the ladies told her at work that would be helpful.  We talk about the baby all the time.  If you were at my baby shower, you saw how much work she put into the shower and all the gifts she gave my baby.  Those were only half the gifts.  She brought more to Frank’s family shower and she still has more at the house.  She has been waiting for a grand baby for quite sometime, I am sure.  If I had decided not to continue this pregnancy because I thought it was a mistake it would have broken my mom’s heart.  That’s something that I don’t ever want to do.
2. Two days ago I found out another one of my friends suffered a miscarriage.  Since I have been pregnant, I have had four friends get pregnant and three of them ended up miscarrying.  Three.  I can guarantee you that each one of them wanted that child with all their heart.  They pray that they will be pregnant again soon.  Each month that goes by that they are not pregnant is another reminder of their lose.  They would do anything to be “punished” with morning sickness and sleepless nights.
3. Frank and I got pregnant before he had started his new job.  He was out of work for six months.  It was a really hard six months for our marriage and our financial state.  I’m sure from the outside our marriage looked like a train wreck.  Frank easily could have gone out and gotten any old job to start making money but we decided that we wanted him to find a job that made him happy.  It took six months.  There were numerous people who made comments about our choice and didn’t understand why he wasn’t out working to help me out.  Those comments hurt but we ignored them and stayed focus on finding the perfect job.  When we found out he had a job offer we decided to start a family.  We were pregnant before he even started.  We didn’t even know if he would like the new job.  We didn’t even know if the company would treat him good.  We had no guarantees about his future.  It was a huge career move because he had never worked in a hospital; he only had banking experience.  But we made the choice to start a family and we praise God that it worked.  I’m sure some people might have thought we were making a “mistake” by getting pregnant before he started the job.  I’m sure some people thought we should have waited to make sure that it was going to work out for him.  But I am so thankful we did what we did.  This baby, who is doing the Hokey Pokey in my belly right now, is the best decision Frank and I ever made in our lives.  I don’t care what status our lives were in at the time we made that choice and in the end it all worked out.  We did a lot of praying and God has provided for us.  Frank loves his job and we have never been happier. 

Humans make mistakes but humans are not mistakes.  I believe that Everything Happens For a Reason.  The good, the bad, the ugly.  The mistakes we make are supposed to happen so we can learn from them and become better people.  I personally think I have grown from all the mistakes I have made in life.  I wouldn’t take back any of the mistakes I have made.  Ever.

So the word mistake sticks out in my head during this election.  I don’t think a person should erase the “mistakes” they have made.  Mistakes are apart of life.  And mistakes can fulfill your life in ways you can never imagine.

Today I had my two week appointment with Dr. Gosser.  He walked in the room and as soon as he saw me he said, “wow you look like you are ready to go.  Do you want me to wheel you down to Labor & Delivery?”  I was like, “yeah let’s go.”  But I didn’t.  I’m still here.

I am currently dilated a whopping half centimeter.  Not even a full number yet, just a half.  But he said that since I am a first time mommy my cervix has no idea what to do and might take its sweet time opening.  My next appointment is in two weeks.  Hopefully I’ll have bigger numbers by then.  Dr. Gosser said I should go home and do some jumping jacks and it would help (he was kidding-don’t try it at home.)  

So I am going to be more positive since I probably have awhile to go.  Sorry about that last post.  I was feeling the pains of pregnancy-finally.  But overall I must say I have been blessed with a great pregnancy.  This last month is just getting harder as each day passes.

Weight: 161

Signs of pregnancy: WARNING-THIS IS NOT A TYPICAL TRENA UPDATE!!!  Advance apologizes for the negativity you are about to endure.  I’m tired of sleeping on my side.  I’m tired of walking slow.  I’m tired of not being able to bend over easily.  I’m tired of moving slower so I don’t pull a muscle.  I’m tired of all the pressure in my bladder.  I’m tired of getting heartburn when I lay down.  I’m tired of pain in my right rib.  I’m tired of peeing every hour on the hour.  I’m tired of wearing the same five shirts to work every week.  I guess I have reached that point, I’m tired of being pregnant.   

Baby Development:  Baby P is considered full term!  The lungs are developed and Baby P should be able to safely breath on his/her own outside of me.

Thoughts:  How much longer do I really have to go?

It amazes me that everyday a pregnant woman can be sitting at work or at home or walking through the grocery store and then ALL OF A SUDDEN, she gets cramps.  A feeling that is so familiar to her yet she hasn’t had that feeling in many months.  And then the cramps stop.  And then many minutes later the cramps start again.  And she starts to think, “are these just cramps?”  But they stop again.  But then minutes later they come back and only this time they are a bit stronger and she realizes, “holy moly, these aren’t cramps these are contractions!”

I assume it goes something like that.  I don’t know.  I’m just feeling like this ticking bomb that is ready to go off.  At any minute those cramps can start and then they won’t stop until baby time.  And there is really no way to know when or how to prepare you just need to be ready.  But how the heck can you be ready for something that is going to happen when you don’t know?

This morning I somehow allowed myself to forget I was pregnant and in my discomfort I quickly switched from sleeping on my left side to my right side.  For those of you reading this and have never been pregnant, this is a stupid stupid idiotic thing to do.  If you want to switch sides you have to slowly prop yourself up and then slowly shift your body to the other side.  So this morning I rolled over like I would have 9 months ago.  Oh I gave myself a cramp like no other.  A crampy feeling that I have never felt before.  So in mid roll I sat up and was afraid to move because of this cramp.  I knew that the cramp had to be due to my stupidity but there was this part of me that thought just maybe it was a contraction cramp.  So I sat there not knowing what to do.  And then I got scared so I finished rolling over.  But when I laid down I realized it was 5:55 and my alarm was going off in five minutes. 

It is now 8 a.m. and I haven’t felt another cramp so I have confirmed that the cramp was due to my sudden movement.  So my clock continues to tic.

Have you ever prayed for something and you got just the opposite?  Prayed for patience and then moments later you find yourself in the worse rush hour traffic ever?  Prayed for peace and then later that day a woman is yelling at her child in the grocery store?

This morning at Mass I prayed for God to help me slow down.  I prayed to take things one step at a time.  I prayed that my mind would be put to ease and I would get everything accomplished in due time.  I prayed that I would learn to relax and realize that ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day.’

After Mass, I had a meltdown.  I sat at the table crying about everything that needed to be done.  I needed to return the nursing top I bought at Target yesterday, to buy dog food, to go grocery shopping, to wash the dog, to do the laundry, to get an oil change, to get my car cleaned, to read the manual on the car seat, to trim the bushes, blah blah blah blah blah blah.

I sat there crying not saying anything as all these items rushed through my head.  Frank asked me a question and I tried to response without him hearing me cry but it didn’t work.  As soon as he knew I was crying I started to cry harder about all the things that I had to get done.  But he made me realize that my list of items were things that we needed to get done, not just me.  I can’t do everything and for some reason I try to do everything without asking him for help.  There is that independent part of my personality coming out.

After our trip to Target and the grocery store I came home and I started to think about my morning prayer.  I couldn’t help but laugh at myself.  God gave me what I wanted but instead of handing it to me on a silver plater He made me work for it.  So I am going to try and relax for the rest of the night.  When things come across my mind that need to be done I’ll just write it down on a piece of paper and discuss them with Frank later.  We’ll get around to it eventually.

Will I be having a little Mary Rene or a Luke Francis?  A Luke Francis or a Mary Rene?  Guess that gender.

Here is how the game is played.  Leave a comment on this post, before the baby is born, guessing the gender.  Everyone who is right will have their name in a drawing for a prize.  Once things are settled after the baby is born (how long will that take????) we will pick one of the names and they will get the grand prize.

I haven’t decided what the prize will be yet.  I’ve been thinking about it for a few days now but nothing has crossed my mind.  But it will be something special!  And besides, it is a fun game to play.

I’ve been getting those painful charlie horse cramps in my lower left calf again.  And the strange part is I can tell before it happens that it is going to happen.  Unfortunately I’m too tired to prevent it!  I’m currently sleeping with two pillows at my head, a full length body pillow against my front (for my belly to rest on and one leg under and one over), a pillow against my back, a pillow for my foot (other foot is under pillow) and my bunny for my arms.  In the middle of the night when I get up to go to the bathroom it takes me about a minute to ease my way out of bed slowly (any sudden moves either make the bladder feel like it is going to explode or it feels like my uterus is hanging by a thread.)  Once I get out of bed I slowly walk to the bathroom, do my business and then come back to bed.  I usually rotate my position (my ear starts to hurt from being slammed against the pillow) but when I rotate I sometimes forget to elevate my foot correctly on the pillow.  That slight error is leading to the cramps in my leg.  Strange.  So when the charlie horse strikes I scream a little, which startles Frank because he thinks I am having contractions (ha!) and then I slowly but quickly try to ease my way out of bed to walk it off.  This alone is one reason I wouldn’t mind going into labor soon.