Milk Monster
The past couple weeks I have had the hardest time getting Mary Rene to take a nap. The girl is tired but she just won’t surrender easily. In order to get her to take a nap I have had to nurse her to sleep. It works out great but the problem is I can’t do this forever. And maybe the even bigger problem is she is expecting to be put to sleep this way. I feel like I have created a monster.
Many, many months ago her doctor told me to start letting her soothe herself to sleep. I tried…for a bit. It was so much easier to help her get to sleep that I continued to do it. And now look where it has put me. In a pickle that is.
I know I need to be more strict and let her cry for a bit but I just continuously give in and pick her up. I keep telling myself that, “starting today I am not going to help her get to sleep.” When she is tired I lay her in the crib for her to take a nap. She sucks on her blanket for a bit, tosses and turns, sings and then starts whining. I wait a couple minutes and then I go in there. My plan is to go in there and say, “Mommy loves you but it is time to take a nap,” and then leave the room. And every time I go in there she gets quiet, looks up and me and smiles. And then I smell poop. For some darn reason she always poops when I lay her in the crib! What gives! I pick her up, change her diaper and then she is wide awake! So I do the next best thing, lay her in my bed, nurse her and she falls asleep.
I feel like a failure as a mother in this department. I wanted to hold her so much as a baby that I didn’t mind rocking and singing her to sleep. Now I realize that I have robbed my daughter of the tools she needed to get herself to sleep. Ugh.
So starting tomorrow, I am really, really, really going to try and get her to sleep on her own. I just have to be strong and do it. Even if it drives me insane for a week I have to do it. For her sake at least.
June 22nd, 2009 at 11:50 am
Alex is a little bear when he is overly tired. Have you tried a white noise machine or even some soft music? I put a little radio in his room and set it to the classical music station (I think it is 99.1) and that always seems to help. Think of it as Baby Einstein minus the pictures! White noise machines (or even the lul of a fan) can wind a baby down and get them relaxed. I always tell my PAT moms that any new schedule/routine will take a good 2 weeks to catch on so if you start tomorrow be sure to stay consistent for 2 weeks and see what happens. And don’t be surprised if she gets really mad at first! It usually gets worse before they settle into a new routine. Good luck!
June 22nd, 2009 at 5:41 pm
I’m not a mother, so I really don’t have a clue about this in the direct sense… but I do have enough of a clue that I can tell you to not be too hard on yourself. Regardless of what those who profit from the how-to-get-your-baby-to-sleep debate say, you have not ruined your daughter. You may have ruined your afternoons for a few years,;-) but you certainly haven’t ruined your daughter.
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:49 am
Trena, you have robbed her of nothing. You can’t do this forever… and no worries, as you won’t have to! She will not be nursing herself to sleep in college. She’ll eventually need Mommy less.
I want to encourage you to continue nursing, rocking, holding,and comforting Mary when shr needs you. You have a false sense of guilt over “ruining” her independent soothing. You aren’t… she’s just not ready.
Normally, I wouldn’t comment on this as it seems to be such a big issue among parents and I am not one to sling unwanted advice. BUT… if you are trying to let her cry for awhile for HER good against all of your instincts, please reconsider.
If however, you are trying to get a break yourself and this is something YOU need for your mental health, that is another issue entirely. But please don’t ignore your gut feelings and instinct to pick her up when she cries because of some “expert.” There are plenty of other “experts” such as Dr Sears and Catholic Dr Gregory Popcak who support a more natural mothering approach.
You are doing GREAT and have been giving Mary Rene what she needs! Don’t stop now because someone with a Western cultural bias tells you it is harming her. It isn’t.
June 23rd, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Hey Trena,
I agree TOTALLY with the comments of Lerin. You will NOT be nursing Mary to sleep forever…and you have NOT robbed her of the tools she needs to get to sleep on her own.
She WILL learn to go to sleep on her own, but she’s not ready YET. Who is the judge that says that babies are supposed to fall asleep on their own at this age? Why do they get to decide? YOU are doing what she needs right now—- being a loving mom attuned to HER needs. You’re NOT a failure! Without realizing it, it seems like you are buying into a made-up cultural expectation of what is “correct behavior” for all babies. There is no “correct” behavior for all babies! —Mary is an individual, who happens to like to have mommy with her at sleep time right now. So give her what she needs whenever you are physically and emotionally up to it and feel GOOD about it! You are being a loving, selfless mom!
If you can–just build this getting to sleep/naptime into your day! What a great opportunity to bond, and maybe take a nap yourself! Enjoy it! This stage will be over before you know it! love Joanne