The Third Prayer

As the old saying goes, you get wiser with age.  And well, you get wiser with the second kid.  I’ve learned a lot since Mary Rene’s pregnancy by watching my friends raise their babies and well, by watching myself stumble and fall here and there.  I think Frank and I have done a fantastic job of raising Mary Rene and I wouldn’t take anything back.  She is who she is because of how we raised her and I love every little ounce of her.  But with Sweet Pea, there are some things I want to do differently and below is a list I have started compiling.  I’m sure once I publish this I will think of more, but I have been working on this post for a few weeks now and want it out of my “draft” folder!  So if I think of more, I’ll just write another post.  On the same token, there are a lot of things I will do the same. 

Feel free to add your thoughts and what you would do different the next time around.  I would love to see what everyone else has to say! 

Labor

• Wait to go to the hospital until I am in more pain or until the contractions are five minutes apart

I think I jumped the gun on this on.  We were excited, nervous, not really knowing what to expect.  Honestly, I felt pretty good and wanted to stay home longer.  But Frank and his mom both thought we should go to the hospital, so we did.  We got there at 7 p.m. and waited, and waited, and waited.  It wasn’t until early the next morning that I had the opportunity to push.  I think I could have easily stayed at home for another few hours.  That would have given Frank and myself some alone time, to work through the contractions together and really experience the birthing process.  The hospital setting just got in the way.

• Don’t get an IV

Or at least try not to get it right away.  I didn’t know that you had the option not to get it.  An IV makes you retain water which isn’t really a good thing.  Drinking water is much easier and then you can still move around freely.  Plus it took them four attempts to get the IV inserted and that was just painful.

• Walk the hospital and don’t get strapped to the bed

This goes along with waiting to go to the hospital.  We got there at 7 p.m. and by 7:35-7:45 p.m. I was laying in the bed with an IV and the baby monitor strapped to my belly.  Laying down is not cool and makes your contractions worse.  I took the child birth classes for a reason!

• Don’t let them break my water to speed up labor

That was just plain ridiculous.  If I can hold off and wait to go to the hospital, and hold off on the IV, and hold off getting strapped to the bed, then maybe I can hold off here too.  Getting my water broken made my contractions 10 times worse and well…the nurses gave me the nickname “Puddles.”

• Try for drug free

If I wait to go to the hospital, don’t get the IV right away, don’t get strapped to the bed right away, don’t get my water broken, then I can work through more contractions which would make it slightly easier to have a drug free delivery.  I was doing fine without the epidural until they broke my water.  That was just some quick, no nonsense pain that I didn’t think I could handle.  And the anesthesiologist was just waiting outside the room with his needle.  Plus, Mary Rene was so sleepy from the epidural that nursing in the beginning was tough.  On top of that, we had to pay the anesthesiologist for his services and for the drug.  I think that ended up costing us $400-500 towards our deductible.

• Have Frank take pictures from the side where you can see Sweet Pea’s face!

I am very happy that Frank got some pictures at all but all of the “first” pictures don’t show Mary Rene’s face.  You can only see the back of her head, my face and the nurse. 

• Have Frank get a picture of Sweet Pea’s first meal!

I didn’t get a picture of Mary Rene nursing until she was about six months old!  And honestly, that is the only picture I still have to this day.  Nursing has been such a huge part of our lives together and I want to remember these precious moments.  Including that first meal.  Some of my friends got pictures of that first meal and they are so precious.  I don’t think there is anything more amazing then a newborn baby, just minutes old, suckling on his/her momma’s breast.  That is why God gave women breast in the first place.

The Hospital Stay

• Hold my baby more

I feel like the only time I held Mary Rene was when I nursed her.  There was either someone visiting or we had her in the bassinet.  I want to cuddle more while I can because when I get home, I’ll have two kids to take care of and I know my cuddle time will be limited.

• Get out of bed more

I only got out of bed to go to the bathroom and change clothes.  I was in the mindset that I was on a mini-vacation.  Basically I paid the price when I got home because recovery was rough.  (Recovery was actually worse then labor and delivery.)  When I finished running a marathon, I never sat down at the finish line.  I would walk around, stretch out a bit and make sure to walk a lot the next day.  Same should go for labor and delivery.

• Walk down to the nursery

Heck I didn’t even leave my room with Mary Rene.  When we went to sleep at night we would send Mary Rene to the nursery so we could get some rest.  Frank walked down there every night to check on her and he would come back and talk about her in the swing and he wanted me to come see.  I was being lazy. 

• Sleep more

Well this is obvious.  When I get home I won’t be able to send Sweet Pea to the nursery for the night.  Plus I’ll have two kids to take care of so I need to sleep while in the hospital.

• Limit visitors

I’m going to sound like a complete scrooge here but I really need to be firm on this.  I was so happy to share Mary Rene with the world that both of our entire families and all of our friends came to visit at the hospital.  It was an exciting time and we loved the company.  But I didn’t realize how exhausting that would be.  Throughout the day, there are different hospital staff members (your doctor, your nurse, baby’s nurse, baby’s doctor, dietitian, lactation consultant, house keeping, insurance person, lunch lady, Eucharist Minister, baby photographer, etc.) in your room nearly every hour between 7 a.m. and 8 p.m.  I seriously am not kidding here.  There is little alone time or rest time with all the medical stuff you need to do.  Add that on top of a constant stream of visitors and you are overwhelmed.  Plus as a new mother I was afraid to nurse in front of anyone so every time we had a visitor I wouldn’t try.  Which meant I had to learn to nurse when I was at home, alone, and that was so stressful.  Sure this time I am more confident and really don’t care if I nurse in front of my family and friends.  But the extra rest and alone time would be nice.  Plus once you get home, you really need the help.  So a visit from a family member or friend means so much more when you are in the comfort of your own home.  And not wearing a hospital gown! 

• Understand all the paperwork I am signing

Point blank.  I don’t even know what I signed most of the time but I just signed it to get it over with because I wanted to keep the line of people moving that were in my room (see above comment.)  But this time I am going to be more cautious about what I sign and be 100% confident in my signature and approval.

• Try to get an earlier release

Is it really necessary to stay two nights?  I don’t think it is if you and the baby are doing really good.  I had some blood clot issues the first day with Mary Rene but they were gone by the second day.  If I would have asked, maybe we could have been released and I could have spent the second night in my own bed.  Plus, I can’t bear to think of being away from Mary Rene that many nights in a row.

• Since I am paying for it, take two of the booger snot sucker outer things

You can’t buy one that even comes close to pulling out snot like the hospital brand!  No joke!

Nursing

• Be comfortable nursing in public, anywhere and everywhere

There were so many times that I would hide in a bathroom, a dressing room or even go in a separate room when at family functions.  I need to represent nursing mothers and not be ashamed.  The only way to properly educate others on the importance of breastfeeding is to do it. 

• Don’t use a nursing cover

It draws way too much attention.  You pretty much have a huge billboard over you that says: NURSING BABY HERE!!!!!  I found that just wrapping a blanket around Mary Rene worked much better than the cover.  But honestly, I think I learned to be more discreet nursing in public when I just did it without any type of cover.  There were many times that I would be nursing Mary Rene and my brother would come in the room and start talking to me.  If he knew what I was doing he wouldn’t have been in the room with me.  I was so discreet about it that he thought she was sleeping. 

• Learn to nurse laying down sooner

I think Mary Rene was about six weeks old before I even attempted to try this.  That meant the first six weeks I would sit all the way up in bed, every two hours to nurse for 20-30 minutes to nurse.  Basically, I was wide awake and had a hard time getting back to bed.

• Don’t watch the clock so much in the beginning

Just nurse until Sweet Pea is done.  No need to switch every 15 minutes like they tell you to do in the hospital.  When I stopped watching the clock with Mary Rene, she started getting the hind milk which is the best part.  Baby girl put on some weight quick!

• Master nursing on one side and holding an empty bottle on the other side to catch let down

I’m a leaker, a serious leaker and I don’t think that will change with the second baby.  Double letdown baby.  I had to wear nursing pads until Mary Rene was 11 months!  No kidding.  Instead of pumping milk to get ready for my return to work I want to try and catch the milk from the other breast into a bottle.  I had a couple friends that were able to do this and it cut down on their pump time.  In addition, there is no good reason to have a wet, soaky pad of milk when it is good milk that can be used at a later date.

• Avoid red sauce!

I heard all the warnings about green vegetables and spicy food before pregnancy and stayed away from those foods.  But nobody warned me about red sauce and that was a huge, huge disturbance to Mary Rene’s belly.  We were so lucky to receive so many cooked meals from friends the first two or three weeks.  The only problem was that most of them contained red sauce and Mary Rene was crabby and didn’t sleep much those first few weeks.  Now I realize it was the red sauce.  I will definitely limit my red sauce intake until Sweet Pea is a few months older so I can keep that belly comfortable.  And well, that way momma can sleep more.

Baby Wearing

• Do it more

I wore my Moby Wrap a lot but not as much as I could have worn it.  I am currently sewing a ring sling so I will have two different slings to wear.  I think if I keep Sweet Pea in the sling for a good portion of the day, nursing and napping, then I’ll have more time to be hands on with Mary Rene. 

• Learn to nurse in my sling

I can already picture myself sitting on the couch for 30 minutes, every two to three hours, while Mary Rene roams around the house.  It would be nice to be able to go in the backyard and walk around while Sweet Pea nursed.  Or go grocery shopping and let Sweet Pea nurse while I do some shopping.  Time saver and oh so convenient.

Sleeping

• Always, always, put Sweet Pea back in the co-sleeper when I am done nursing

Always, always do this.  It was a bad habit I started with Mary Rene.  Main reason she is still in our bed.  I love co-sleeping but wish I would have kept her in the co-sleeper which would have defined her special place to sleep.

• At three or four months, start sleep training

Put the baby to bed when he/she is awake.  We didn’t do this with Mary Rene and well, we didn’t get to this point until she was 15 months.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the way we have raised Mary Rene, but the many, many nights of rocking a 23 pound baby were exhausting.  Plus, it is hard for other people to get her to sleep.  We need more options with Sweet Pea.  I hate the thought of sleep training but I know I need to work on it sooner with Sweet Pea.  Mary Rene was only able to fall asleep being nursed or rocked for the first 15 months.  Convincing her to sleep on her own was hard, not only for her but for us.  It would be nice to have Sweet Pea learn how to go to sleep on his/her own at an earlier age.

• Try to get Sweet Pea to nap on his/her own when he/she is three to five months old.

I still have to nurse Mary Rene to nap everyday.  It addition, Mary Rene doesn’t nap for Frank or my parents.  Frank’s mom has to rock her to nap still.  It would be nice for Sweet Pea to nap for everyone, regardless of the situation and where he/she is at that given time.

• All naps in crib

I got in the bad habit of letting Mary Rene nap on the couch.  Now, she naps in our bed.  Which actually is great because she takes longer naps in our bed because she is so comfortable there (pillow top mattress!)  But I want to make sure Sweet Pea naps in his/her crib so when he/she is placed in the crib so a connection is made that it is nap time.

• Around three to four months, take turns with Frank on who helps put Sweet Pea to sleep

For the first year, it was primarily my job to put Mary Rene to bed because she would only nurse to sleep.  When she wouldn’t fall asleep nursing then I would rock.  If I got tired and tried handing her off to Frank she would scream bloody murder.  Which just made it easier for me to do the job.  Sweet Pea needs to learn to fall asleep for anyone, not just mommy that way I can catch a break.

• Have a place for Sweet Pea to nap at my parent’s house

Mary Rene really didn’t have a place to nap and to this day, I still can’t get her to nap there.  If Sweet Pea has a place to sleep from the beginning then it will be easier to start the napping process.

 Vaccinations

• Don’t get Sweet Pea the Hepatitis B shot at birth

Which goes back to “Understand all the paperwork I am signing.”  I see no reason at all for my child to get a vaccine the day he/she is born.  Especially since I don’t have Hepatitis B.

• Be firm in my decision and don’t let anyone talk me out of the choices I am making for my child

Be firm, really firm.  I’ve spent way too much time researching vaccines to let someone push me around.  There are reasons that I am going to do what I want to do and I need to stay firm with whomever stands against me.

• Delay vaccinations

I wish I would have done this with Mary Rene but I didn’t know what I know now.  I just can’t understand why all those vaccines are needed in such a short amount of time.  I believe vaccines are important but they need to be spaced out.  Plus, Sweet Pea will not, under any circumstance, be getting any vaccine with tissues from an aborted baby.

Leaving the House

• Get outside more in the beginning

Even if it is just in the backyard or a walk around the block.  Fresh air is good for Mary Rene, Sweet Pea and me.  All parties win.  That is why I have a sling.

• Go to my parent’s house more often 

I didn’t do this in the beginning with Mary Rene and she had extreme separation anxiety.  For the longest time, she didn’t want to be alone over there.  It was hard for me to watch and hard for my parents to deal with too.

• Let my parents watch Sweet Pea more than I let them watch Mary Rene

Again, she had separation anxiety with them and I felt horrible for her and my parents when they were alone together.  I want Sweet Pea to feel more comfortable around my parents so they can be alone with him/her more often.

What I want to do the same

No pacifiers

Waiting to start solids until at least seven months

Breastfeed

Cloth diapers

Co-Sleep

Wow.  That was a mouth full.  Did you fall along?  Now tell me what you would do different the second, or third or fourth, time around.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 25th, 2010 at 11:46 am and is filed under Mary Rene, Motherhood, Nursing, Sweet Pea Pregnancy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.