The Third Prayer

Have you ever stopped and thought about how great it is that life doesn’t turn out the way you want?

My senior year of high school, I applied and was accepted to Southern Missouri University in Cape Girardeau.  I went down with my parents for an orientation and even signed up for classes to take the following fall.  But it would have been a two hour drive from St. Louis and my then boyfriend, who was a year younger then me, was heartbroken.  So I chose puppy love over a four year university and decided to go to the local community college the first two years.  Thankfully I liked that guy enough to stay home which leads me to where I am today.  With Frank.  With Mary Rene.  With our soon-to-be Sweet Pea.

After completing my two years at the community college, I was offered a scholarship to Missouri Western University.  Not only did the university offer to pay two full years of tuition, but they also were going to pay me $500 a month for living expenses.  Along with this offer came the job to be editor of their newspaper.  Sweet deal for a college student.  But again, the school was far away and my then boyfriend, different guy, didn’t want me to leave.  So I chose puppy love, again over education and decided to go to a four year university closer to home.  No scholarship.  No living expense stipend.  Nothing at all but puppy love.  Thankfully I liked that guy enough to stay closer to home which leads me to where I am today.  With Frank.  With Mary Rene.  With our soon-to-be Sweet Pea.

I gave up my passion of journalism and public relations for two boys at different points in my life.  (Somehow I ended up in commercial real estate????)  I thank God for those silly boys that helped me make those decisions, which at the time killed me academically and eventually killed my career choices.  But I am thankful for those decisions.

Which lead me to Frank, Mary Rene, and Sweet Pea. 

I love how everything works out the way it should.  Nine out of 10 times, you wouldn’t realize why something happened at the given time.  But later on, you’ll look back, and you’ll be thankful for the choices you made.  A choice that at the time you thought was really stupid, a choice that even a year later you thought was stupid (especially after the break up!)  But a choice, once everything is settled, you’ll be thankful you made.

I’m thankful for all the bad choices I made in my life.  Every wrong turn ended up making a right turn somewhere along the way.  I’ve learned from the mistakes I’ve made, tried not to make them again, even though I have time and time again, but I’ve taking my errors and turned them into principles I can apply in life.

I don’t have any regrets; none at all.  And I’ve done some terrible things, I’m sure of it.  But all the ugly in my life has led me to here, sitting at my dining room table, listening to Sophie B snore while Mary Rene naps in the other room.

I didn’t become a world famous journalist like I wanted to as a young adult.  I’m sure that has to do with the choices I made when it came to puppy love.  But I’ve become something better than famous, I’ve become me.  And honestly, I love who I have become because I’m surrounded by such great people that make my life fulfilling.  More fulfilling then any New York Times Bestseller could do.

Cheers to making bad decisions, learning from them, and becoming the person you are today.

We all have crosses to carry in our lives.  It could be a job you hate but you have to go to everyday.  It could be fertility issues or rough pregnancies.  It could be a bad relationship with a family member or a spouse.  For me, my cross is my daughter’s sleeping situation.  And if that is the only cross God is going to give me at this time, so be it.  Sure it can be hard at times, very frustrating, (did I say very frustrating?) but I accept my cross and I will carry it. 

Each child is different and thus, no two children are expected to have the same routines.  I can’t spend my life comparing one person’s child to mine and I won’t.  I love my daughter for who she is, even with this rough sleeping situation we are going through at this current time.

I don’t want to sugar coat things in my Tuesday updates but this sleeping situation is very stressful for our family.  It isn’t just about losing sleeping anymore.  We are beyond stressed which spills out into our marriage.  And frankly, it spills out into being a parent as well.  I don’t like to hold resentment towards my daughter or husband but the stress level has gotten me there.  And the nights are rough.  I hate when bedtime comes; I hate it with a passion.

This morning, I was so frustrated with what happened last night that I did something very drastic today.  Frank is going to be very, very upset when he finds out so I am not going to say what I did yet.  (Just in case he is reading this at work!)  On Tuesday it will be revealed to all and I’m praying that it was worth it.

After I got my frustration out of me and I was done doing what I did, I stopped, looked to the heavens and just wanted some type of approval.  I believe God gives us all crosses but He also gives us the knowledge to do something about them.  You can’t just pray and expect an answer to fall in your lap.  You have to use your mind, the mind God gave you, and do something about it.  So I did; and I’m praying that I did right.

I accept my cross and I will carry it and I won’t expect God to take it away.  I know people who have heavier crosses then I, thus I have no right to pass on my cross.  I’m just lucky to be able to have such a small cross at this time in my life.

Wednesday: The three of us went to our church picnic and Frank helped Mary Rene play some games.

Would you believe that every game she won a prize?  Turns out when you are cute and little you always win.

And Mary Rene was very proud of her prizes.

Thursday: We spent the afternoon running errands and well, eating ice cream with Nicole C.  Mary Rene helped me pick out a new maternity swimsuit so I’ll be ready for her swim lessons tonight.

Thursday happened to mark exactly five months from the day when Frank said, “I bet you won’t fit in there five months from now.”

Five months ago:

Today:

Not only has she grown but so have I!   It was a tighter fit but I still did.  And if you are wondering…

Yeah, not so much.

Friday: The morning started off with the word “SHOES SHOES.”  I left all the shoes upstairs from the six bags of clothes we received the night before.  Mary Rene is a shoe-acholic already and had to try on each pair.

When she was done playing with the shoes she wanted to try on the hats.

Although Mary Rene is not a hat fan, she has fallen in love with the pink baseball cap.

As for the cute princess outfit, she liked that too.

What’s up?

This might become a Sweet Pea “new” outfit because it was very tight on Mary Rene with her bulky cloth diaper.

But the afternoon took a turn for the worse.  As always, I nursed Mary Rene to nap.  She fell asleep and instead of unlatching her I kept letting her “sleep” nurse while I finished the chapter on the book I was reading.  (Informative book called “Pushed” about giving birth in the United States.)  Bad move on my part because while she was sleep nursing she lost grip and lightly started suckling on my nipple.  This has never happened before and it was not cool, not cool at all.  Luckily she was lightly sucking since she was sleeping but unlucky…I’m pregnant and I’m more sensitive.  I unlatched her and was able to stay calm enough to carry her to bed.  Once she was in her bed I looked down and noticed I was bleeding.  Well that just intensified the pain and made me panic.  I quickly grabbed some Lanisoh cream and treated my injury.  I decided to spend her two hour nap letting it air dry.  And well, I decided to retire that breast for a few days to let it heal.  Today marks four days since I’ve used it.  I’m healed now but am hesitate to try again.  I’ll see tomorrow if I have the guts to do it.

Saturday: Another day of running errands (picked up craigslist bookcase and then bought new mattress for Mary Rene.)  We also attended the Ordination Mass and witnessed our friend John Heithaus becoming a permanent deacon.  It was an absolutely beautiful Mass at the Cathedral and we are so thankful that we attended.  Although there was an embarrassing mommy moment when before Mass started, Mary Rene dashed out between the aisles and fell to the ground.  As I went to scoop her up I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Archbishop Carlson was right there with his posse of men.  I was mortified as I tried to pick her up from the ground.  Archbishop Carlson didn’t bat an eye or frown.  Instead he politely smiled and said, “isn’t she a little princess.” 

The Mass was two hours long and sometimes on a normal Mass day, one hour, we have a hard time keeping Mary Rene still and quiet.  (Lucky for me the two hour Mass wore her out and she took her nap during the car ride home, no need to nurse.)  Although I found out in Piedmont that to entertain her during Mass I just needed to give her my chapstick.  And well, it worked pretty good during the two hour Ordination Mass as well.  These pictures were taken at home but you’ll get the idea of why chapstick is so freakin’ cool.

Step One:  Apply chapstick

Step Two: Pucker Lips

Step Three:  Reapply because when you puckered you realized you missed a spot

Step Four:  Admire the fine job you did, smile and say “damn I look good.”

Step Five:  Lick lips because flavored chapstick makes a nice snack

Step Six:  Now that the job is complete, apply on daddy, mommy, Sophie B, and all stuffed animals in close proximity.

Sunday:  We usually attend 9 a.m. Mass but decided to attend noon Mass so we could be there for the Deacon Heithaus celebration.  And what a beautiful Mass again!  Our parish loves the Heithaus family and really, what’s not to love?  They are such great people and give so much of their time, energy and love to our parish.  We are truly blessed to have them.  The Mass was very crowded and ended up lasting 1.5 hours.  After Mass we went to the cafeteria for the reception.  We had lunch, dessert and received a family blessing from the new Deacon.  We didn’t end up leaving until 2:30 p.m. and again, Mary Rene was worn out and fell asleep during the car ride home.  Day two of not nursing her to nap. 

Monday:  I call this, Purple Monday.  When Mary Rene goes in her closet she always wants to wear her purple shoes.  Purple is her favorite color and I think we have Barney to thank for that.  So I let her wear her purple shoes, purple socks and I put on one of her new purple dresses, thanks to the six bags of clothes!  She was so happy to see herself in the mirror all decked out in purple.

After work I picked her up from my parent’s house and we went home.  (Day three of not nursing her to nap since I was at work.)  We were in the bathroom because, well every third month on the 8th I change our toothbrushes.  (yes I am that crazy and it is written on my calendar every three months to change our toothbrushes, along with the filters and other items that need to be constantly changed.)  So I pulled out the new toothbrushes and Mary Rene quickly took my old purple toothbrush. 

(She ended up brushing her teeth for a good 30 minutes!)

I looked on the ground and noticed before she picked up my toothbrush she dropped her four purple crayons.

I knew she was holding crayons but had no idea they were all purple.  I walked in the front room and realized she decided to draw me a purple picture on the couch.

Thankfully Mr. Clean erased her picture.

Tuesday: Today I am at work again and I am praying she takes a nap.  (Day four of not nursing to nap.  A much needed healing break for me!)  She hasn’t napped the past few Tuesdays and tonight we start swim lessons so I hope she is well rested and not cranky.  Oh, and we are praying for no rain too!

This blog I read had a story about a pregnant woman, who allegedly was drunk, led police on a high speed chase.  She ended up crashing her car and had to be pulled from the wreckage.  She was rushed to the hospital where the baby (24 weeks) was delivered by emergency c-section.  The baby didn’t survive.  She will likely be charged with the baby’s death.

So, do you think it is fair to charge her for the baby’s death?  Is she guilty of murder?

If you answered yes, then why would it be legal for her to intentionally kill her child through the act of abortion? 

Kind of fuzzy isn’t it?  You can be found guilty of murder when you unintentionally kill your unborn child but you can legally, intentionally kill your unborn child.  Gotta love the law.

Holy Thursday

A day at the park, feeding the ducks and playing on the playground.

Good Friday

Another day at the park, feeding the ducks and playing on the playground.

Can you see a pattern? I’m feeling really disconnected from the whole Lent thing.  Lent came, Lent went.  So while Mary Rene was napping I checked my facebook account and noticed that Dr. Gosser would be praying outside Planned Parenthood from 2-4 a.m. Holy Saturday.  He was asking for people to join him to pray during this 24 hour vigil for the last day of 40 Days For Life. 

(Have I mentioned yet that I have a pretty darn cool OB/GYN?)

As I mentioned, I was feeling really disconnected from Lent and saw a calling in that status update.  I asked Frank if  he would go for us.  He didn’t seem too thrilled.  I mean really, it would be standing for two hours outside, at a time we should be sleeping.  A few hours passed and the conversation didn’t come up again.

While Frank was putting Mary Rene to bed, I checked my email and noticed Dr. Gosser wrote another message about it.  When Frank came out I showed him what Dr. Gosser wrote and asked him if he wanted to go.  I told him to invite his mom.  He called his mom and she said she would come over and sleep at our house while we both went together.  So, on a whim, we went. 

For two hours in the rain, we stood outside Planned Parenthood peacefully praying.  People were driving by, on their way home from the bar.  And we were huddled in our rain jackets, umbrellas holding our rosaries as we prayed for life. 

 It was a really good way to end Lent.  And my disconnected feeling vanished and celebrating the Resurrection of Christ today felt a million times better.

Resurrection Sunday!

Happy Easter!

Last week I talked about how we declined to have the Triple-Screen Test taken at one of our pre-natal visits.  For those that don’t know, the Triple-Screen Test is used to measure different levels in the mother’s blood to see if the unborn child may have genetic disorders like Down Syndrome.  I did a little research and couldn’t find when the test started being offered but I believe it was around 2000.  (I guess I could have tried harder but I’m a busy momma!)  But one thing I did find out is that the percentage of babies aborted because they had Down Syndrome is nearly 90%.  A study showed that 9 out of 10 women (92%)  aborted their baby after getting a positive result from the Triple-Screen Test. 

We all know that test can be wrong so can you imagine how many women, along with their partners, made such a crucial decision on a simple test?

But when you really stop and think about it, when is the last time you saw a Down Syndrome’s baby or child?  You can’t count Sarah Palin’s son because she is a celebrity and her beautiful child has been in the spotlight.  You can’t count the tv show, Life Goes On, which has been off the air since 1993, because again it is a celebrity case.  I can’t really think of seeing a Down Syndrome child in our area besides watching Special Olympics events or seeing commercials on tv.

Do you feel the same way?

It speaks volumes when you think about it and the choices we are allowed to make…all based on a test.

I want to leave you with two beautiful stories:

The story of Christi Hockel and Nella Cordelia’s birth story. 

When we are allowed to go through life making our own decisions, look at how beautiful life can be.

I am my beloved

and my beloved is mine

When Frank and I were planning our wedding we decided we wanted to have his wedding band and my engagement ring engraved with something very special.  We looked at many different phrases and decided to have Solomon 6:3 engraved in the rings.  The inside of Frank’s ring says, “I am my beloved” and the inside of mine says, “and my beloved is mine.”  You put the two together and we are a beautiful Bible verse.

Which brings me to where I have been the last week or so.  Marriage can be tough.  And well, lately, it has been for us.  Basically the last two or more weeks we haven’t been treating each other as “our beloved” and we have been constantly quarrelling and allowing outside matters to come before our marriage.  We did a good job of avoiding each other for awhile there and were able to push the issue under the rug but that didn’t get us anywhere.  When we did talk about the issue both of our voices were elevated and we didn’t get anything accomplished.  I just got depressed about the whole situation and was tired of it.

So I decided to give in.  I just wanted to stop quarrelling with my husband and was to the point that I just didn’t care anymore.  But my loving husband knew that I was just giving in and wasn’t entirely happy.  And when it really boiled down to it, my happiness was more important to him than anyone else’s happiness.  So we worked together and came up with a solution that will work the best for our family.  And we settled everything last week and I feel so much better.

Marriage can be tough and it is even toughier when you don’t work together as a team.  We’ve always had an open line of communication and honesty I can say that we will tell each other anything, no holds bar.  But the problem we encountered was that we were allowing the feelings of other people to come between our marriage.  We both were guilty of doing this and we both share the blame. 

But this was a good thing for us to go through.  Because at the end of the day we have learned that after our relationship with God, our relationship comes next.  Not any other relationship.  Not any other person, including Mary Rene or Sweet Pea.  Our marriage is the foundation of our family and our family can’t function properly if our marriage isn’t.  So lesson learned.

We resolved our issue on Thursday or Friday, I don’t even remember when, and were able to have a really great weekend together.  I must say, this past weekend was one of the best that I have had in a long time.  And it is all thanks to my wonderful, loving husband.

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I took a two week break from these 7 Quick Takes because I was just overwhelmed with work and life.  And well, I’ve had an exhausting week, thanks to pregnancy, and I really wasn’t planning on being here again this week.  So these will be…quick.

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God reads my blog and Mary Rene had an amazing three hour nap on Wednesday so we were able to attend the Ash Wednesday Mass.  Mary Rene usually only naps for an hour or an hour and a half.  Occasionally we’ll get a two hour or 2.5 hour nap but I have never had a three hour nap.  So that was my sign from God.  Unfortunately she was very high maintenance during Mass and would not sit still.  But we are very glad we went.

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Yesterday our church was on duty for the 40 Days for Life at the local abortion clinic.  On Valentine’s Day they had the rally to kick off the event and we planned on going but the snow held us back.  I was so bummed out because I was looking forward to it for weeks.  So I wanted to badly to make our church’s peaceful protest day.  But when I got home from work I was exhausted.  Frank called and I planned on telling him that we could go another day but he sweetly talked me into it, without even being pushy.  And I’m so glad we went.  We didn’t stay entirely too long because it started to get cold and we didn’t want Mary Rene to get sick.  But it was very nice to be there and support the cause.  Mary Rene was having fun standing against the fence and looking in the, thankfully, empty parking lot.  We met a lovely family, mother with her four young children.  They were all praying the rosary and standing so peacefully as a family that it just melted my heart.

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I am looking forward to Fish Fry Fridays again!  Are you?

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Awhile back I did a guest post on loyal reader Rae’s blog.  If you are interested check out her blog sometime.  She is a great reader and has very interesting things to say.  I love to read a post that really “gets you thinking” and that’s what she does a lot.

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I haven’t sewn in two weeks!  I’ve been so busy with work and life ya know.  So today I am going over my parent’s house so they can hang out with Mary Rene and I can sew.  I am in the middle of making a shopping cart cover for a baby shower in two weeks, three bibs and two baby slings.  I really need to get moving.

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Mary Rene adores her papa.  She likes for him to carry her around, maybe because he is so tall and she can see more, and she likes to sit on his lap.  On Wednesday, the two of them sat in front of the computer for a good 15-20 minutes listening to music and watching Barney short videos.  I love this picture because she is just so relaxed on his lap and clearly let’s him know that she owns the place.

Last year we were able to make the 7 p.m. Ash Wednesday Mass because Mary Rene was still just a baby and she wasn’t going to sleep until around 9 p.m.  Now that she is in bed by 7:30-8 p.m. we won’t be able to make the Ash Wednesday celebration.  Unfortunately our church only offers morning Masses at 7 a.m. and 8 a.m. and the likelihood of Mary Rene being up and ready for either is doubtful.  I know I could wake her up really and get her moving so we could make it, but that is a lot of work. 

But isn’t that what Lent is all about?  Going the extra mile for Our Lord?  And the first day I am already struggling to do it.  I’ve been researching area churches that have a later morning Mass, say 9 a.m. or 10 a.m. but haven’t found anything. I know of two churches that have a noon Mass but again, that is during Mary Rene’s nap.  And messing with a nap, is not cool.  But, shouldn’t I be doing it for Our Lord?  I’m conflicted on my roles of being a mother and being a good Christian.  I feel my call to be at Mass on this day, even though it is not a Holy Day of Obligation but I feel my calling to be a mother as well.  Since I have to work on Thursdays I like for Mary Rene to be in bed earlier, 7:30-8 p.m. on Wednesdays.  If we go to 7 p.m. Mass, the earliest she would get to bed is 8:30 p.m., but really it would be closer to 9 p.m.  Which means she will only get 10-11 hours of sleep as opposed to a solid 12. 

Writing that out made me realize how silly I am being and it really only is about an hour difference.  I mean, seriously, 11 hours versus 12, really?  It is only one day, an important day, and she will be okay.  So she might be crabby during Mass because she is tired.  So she might be crabby the next day because she was up late and didn’t get to sleep in.  But isn’t that what Lent is about?  Sacrifice?

Okay.  I think I’ve talked myself into it.  Starting Lent off on the right foot.  Starting Lent where I really need to be.  I’ll just have to work extra hard on getting Mary Rene to take an awesome long nap today so we can make 7 p.m. Mass.  Sometimes you just got to talk it out to realize how unreasonable you are being.  Good try devil.

As for our Lenten journey, we decided to change it up a bit this year.  I usually give up a list of items but by the time Lent is over I am ready to greet those items back in my life.  Two years ago I was pregnant, last year I was nursing and this year I am pregnant again.  So giving up alcohol or caffeine, yeah, already did that.  Giving up sweets, seriously the baby needs it.  Giving up junk food, seriously the baby needs it.  TV?  I don’t really watch it.  Facebook?  I only get on it three or four times a week.  Limiting my internet usage?  Okay, I can do that.

So this year we are doing more than giving up.  I am going to give up talking on my cell phone while driving, which is very important, and I pray that this will continue after Lent.  But that’s really all I plan on giving up.  Two days ago we started reading The Love Dare Book, my Valentine’s Day gift for Frank, and it is going to last a year.  It is a prayerful book that focuses on our relationship with God and each other.  (I highly recommend all married couples to rent the movie “Fireproof” and watch it with your spouse.  The acting is very poor but  the message is beautiful.)  In addition, we are going to start praying a decade of the rosary every night after dinner, go to weekly Mass (our church will offer Mass on Thursday evenings), attend adoration more frequently and do our prayer chain.  I have some personal things I am working on as well but would rather not discuss in this forum.  I’m hoping this Lent I am able to draw closer to God and be more prayerful.  Because really, that is what Lent is all about.

Better than any dictionary can ever say it, the Bible has the most perfect definition of the word love.  Unfortunately, the definition is so perfect that only two people on earth have ever been able to follow it: Jesus and Mother Mary.  But starting this Valentine’s Day and for the remainder of my life, I am going to try my hardest to love my husband this way.

Love is Patient

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love is Kind

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it is not jealous

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it is not pompous

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it is not inflated

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it is not rude

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it does not seek its own interests

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it is not quick-tempered

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it does not brood over injury

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it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth

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it bears all things

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believes all things

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endures all things

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Love never fails

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1 Corinthians 13: 4-8