The Third Prayer

Happy NFP Awareness Week!

I never really thought about being a mother growing up.  I dated a guy for 1.5 years and another guy for three years before Frank and never once did I think about being a mother, or a wife, when I was with them.  But the moment I met Frank, I knew he was The One.  And with that came my desire to be a mother.  I guess you can say that is what separates him from my past relationships-he was the full package and put all the desires in my heart that the Lord entailed for me.  A pure and true sign that he was my soul mate.

When we started to get serious in our relationship and the topic of marriage and family came up, I would tell Frank that I wanted five children.  Like I said, the Lord put the desire in my heart to be a mother.  Frank was the polar opposite of me and was thinking one or two.  But I had dreams of a big family with lots of little ones running around.  I don’t know why I wanted a big family but it was something I dreamed about as our relationship progressed.

While engaged we took the Natural Family Planning (NFP) classes and talked about waiting a little bit to start a family but never really put a timeline on it.  The night before our wedding, I had fertility signs.  By this time, I had been tracking my fertility signs for four months and I knew the approximate number of fertility days I had until I would ovulate.  I timed it out in my head and we would be on our honeymoon.  I remember talking to Frank on the phone and telling him I was fertile.  With NFP if you don’t want to achieve pregnancy you avoid intercourse during your fertile days.  Well, that was not an option because we were looking forward to our wedding night for quite some time now and we weren’t about to wait any longer.  So we decided to use the fertile days and see what God had in store for us.

We didn’t get pregnant so we took that as a sign that God was not ready for us to be parents.  After talking to my nurse I realized that the allergy and motion sickness medicines I was taking during the trip could have ‘dried’ me out enough to not allow a pregnancy.  After hearing that, I never took those allergy pills again.  The thought of becoming pregnant but being too dry to hold a pregnancy just made me sick.

So for the next year, we diligently followed my fertility signs, avoided when we thought necessary and ’practicing’ when we wanted.  And to do that, it takes a lot of strength and will power.  All the stars can be in perfect alignment and the desire can be so great in your heart, but it is something you just know you can’t do.  NFP really brings you closer to your spouse because you have really raw and open conversations about your sexuality.  Sex isn’t just sex anymore but it becomes about life.  New life that is.  You know that the simple act of love can create life.  Sure you know that with using contraceptives as well, but when you practice NFP and know you are fertile, you really know that that very one action of love can result in a child nine months later.  It is why we call it making love and not sex.

When Frank quit his job, one month before our one year anniversary, we knew we had to wait a little longer to start a family.  But the desire to become a mother was growing so much stronger in my heart everyday.  I easily could have lied to Frank and charted wrong and used a fertile day and “oops” get pregnant.  But my desire was never strong enough to lie to my husband.  

Five and a half months later he found a job and that night, I told him it was time to change the way we looked at my chart.  I remember watching that chart for the next two weeks and anticipating my fertile days.  And when they arrived, the week of Frank’s birthday, we had a fun week planned.  I always tease Frank about how he stretches his birthday out for days by planning day after day of activities.  Well that year, he had a good weeks worth of activities.  I think he can thank my fertility for that.

And so, Mary Rene was conceived.  And our love grew deeper and stronger for each other, and for her, each passing day.

With breastfeeding, I didn’t have to worry about charting anymore.  Sure some women get their fertility back quicker when they nurse but I happen to be an exception to the rule.  I was only working twice a week so my lack of pumping encouraged more milk production.  I didn’t start Mary Rene on solids until she was seven months and even then she barely ate what I offered.  By her first birthday, 75% of her intake was still milk.  She dabbled with food here and there but she was a milk girl.  And I was completely fine with that.

But after spending a weekend pumping on my sister’s bachelorette party and the following week going on a business trip, my supply started to change.  And so did Mary Rene’s eating habits.  Within a few weeks I started to get hints that I would be starting my cycle again.  It wasn’t until the week of my sister’s wedding in October that I had a very unusual and light period.  I still thought it was a fluke because it was so abnormal, short and just not what I expected.  Frank knew but we really didn’t discuss charting.

Then November came around and after the five days with my friend ‘Flow,’ I thought there was a chance it was back for good.  We should have started charting right then and there but we didn’t.  And two weeks later, Sweet Pea was conceived.

I guess God knew we shouldn’t be charting.  He had bigger plans for us and we are so thankful for the stars all being in perfect alignment.  He set the stage for us and we accepted our roles and welcome the standing ovation-a baby nine months later.  I’ve thought about this all so many times and what wouldn’t have been if we would have charted.  And I’m thankful for “not being responsible.”  So I have my diligence with NFP to thank for Mary Rene and I have my lack of diligence with NFP to thank for Sweet Pea.  NFP-I owe you for giving me the two sweetest gifts in the world.

Is there a sweeter, more precious word in the world than, mommy?  I doubt so.  Not ma ma, mama or mom, but the perfect, mommy?  Is it not every mom’s dream to hear her child utter the perfect, “mommy?”  Although ‘I love you’ is  a close second.  Mary Rene has perfected the perfect mommy and it is music to my ears.  I could hear her say mommy all day long and it doesn’t get old.  So what if it takes an hour to put her to bed.  Hearing her say “mommy” first thing in the morning, priceless.  And her ‘I love you’ is so cute as well.  At first it was ‘I’ but now it is “I you’ with such love.

Mary Rene has become quite the vocabulary copy cat and is saying everything we say.  Which is very adorable as she is our little parrot repeating our every word to the best of her ability.  I love this stage.

I also love dress up and Mary Rene’s favorite accessory are her purple sunglasses (glasses.)

She wants to wear them everywhere, mostly indoors though.  Nine out of 10 times she puts them on upside down though, which is actually much cutier then right side up.

 This past week has been all about Piedmont.  Frank, Mary Rene, Sophie B. and I headed down Friday morning to meet my parents who were already there.  This would be our first adventure in the new minivan and with Mary Rene sitting forward.  She was having fun playing peek-a-boo with me through the headrest.

Speaking of peek-a-boo

Love her little contagious laugh at the end of the video.

The one downside to sitting forward is her chair doesn’t recline anymore.  Which means naps in the car, don’t seem to be as comfortable.  But she still made it work.

I could take pictures of her sleeping everyday.  So precious.

Saturday morning we got ready for Clearwater Lake, THE BEACH, and apparently Mary Rene was in more of a hurry then we were.

If we set her clothes out, and she can reach them, she will try her best to get herself dress.  Sometimes she gets it on right but swimsuits…not so much.  So mommy dressed her and she looked fabulous.

We gladly played the part of Beach Bums and soaked in the sun for a good three hours.

And water bums too.

I asked Frank to get a picture of Mary Rene giving me a kiss but she decided to wipe her sandy hands on my face instead.

Sunday morning, Frank and my dad rented a john boat and did some serious drinking fishing.  Us girls, we hung out on the beach again.

Sunday happened to be my 31st birthday (happy to be celebrating with the two people who gave me life-my mom and dad, and the two people who make my life-Frank and Mary Rene.)  Since Frank left me in the morning to go fishing, I was a good wife and gave him a nice going away gift.

Besides the obvious fact that I didn’t finish painting his toenails, he is a man with pink toe polish.  And well, when you are renting a boat, you usually don’t wear socks.  So yes, someone pointed out Frank’s “cute” toes.  Love you honey!

That night, Frank surprised me with a birthday cake and we indulged.

What a great birthday weekend, spent with the people I love.

Have you ever stopped and thought about how great it is that life doesn’t turn out the way you want?

My senior year of high school, I applied and was accepted to Southern Missouri University in Cape Girardeau.  I went down with my parents for an orientation and even signed up for classes to take the following fall.  But it would have been a two hour drive from St. Louis and my then boyfriend, who was a year younger then me, was heartbroken.  So I chose puppy love over a four year university and decided to go to the local community college the first two years.  Thankfully I liked that guy enough to stay home which leads me to where I am today.  With Frank.  With Mary Rene.  With our soon-to-be Sweet Pea.

After completing my two years at the community college, I was offered a scholarship to Missouri Western University.  Not only did the university offer to pay two full years of tuition, but they also were going to pay me $500 a month for living expenses.  Along with this offer came the job to be editor of their newspaper.  Sweet deal for a college student.  But again, the school was far away and my then boyfriend, different guy, didn’t want me to leave.  So I chose puppy love, again over education and decided to go to a four year university closer to home.  No scholarship.  No living expense stipend.  Nothing at all but puppy love.  Thankfully I liked that guy enough to stay closer to home which leads me to where I am today.  With Frank.  With Mary Rene.  With our soon-to-be Sweet Pea.

I gave up my passion of journalism and public relations for two boys at different points in my life.  (Somehow I ended up in commercial real estate????)  I thank God for those silly boys that helped me make those decisions, which at the time killed me academically and eventually killed my career choices.  But I am thankful for those decisions.

Which lead me to Frank, Mary Rene, and Sweet Pea. 

I love how everything works out the way it should.  Nine out of 10 times, you wouldn’t realize why something happened at the given time.  But later on, you’ll look back, and you’ll be thankful for the choices you made.  A choice that at the time you thought was really stupid, a choice that even a year later you thought was stupid (especially after the break up!)  But a choice, once everything is settled, you’ll be thankful you made.

I’m thankful for all the bad choices I made in my life.  Every wrong turn ended up making a right turn somewhere along the way.  I’ve learned from the mistakes I’ve made, tried not to make them again, even though I have time and time again, but I’ve taking my errors and turned them into principles I can apply in life.

I don’t have any regrets; none at all.  And I’ve done some terrible things, I’m sure of it.  But all the ugly in my life has led me to here, sitting at my dining room table, listening to Sophie B snore while Mary Rene naps in the other room.

I didn’t become a world famous journalist like I wanted to as a young adult.  I’m sure that has to do with the choices I made when it came to puppy love.  But I’ve become something better than famous, I’ve become me.  And honestly, I love who I have become because I’m surrounded by such great people that make my life fulfilling.  More fulfilling then any New York Times Bestseller could do.

Cheers to making bad decisions, learning from them, and becoming the person you are today.

We all have crosses to carry in our lives.  It could be a job you hate but you have to go to everyday.  It could be fertility issues or rough pregnancies.  It could be a bad relationship with a family member or a spouse.  For me, my cross is my daughter’s sleeping situation.  And if that is the only cross God is going to give me at this time, so be it.  Sure it can be hard at times, very frustrating, (did I say very frustrating?) but I accept my cross and I will carry it. 

Each child is different and thus, no two children are expected to have the same routines.  I can’t spend my life comparing one person’s child to mine and I won’t.  I love my daughter for who she is, even with this rough sleeping situation we are going through at this current time.

I don’t want to sugar coat things in my Tuesday updates but this sleeping situation is very stressful for our family.  It isn’t just about losing sleeping anymore.  We are beyond stressed which spills out into our marriage.  And frankly, it spills out into being a parent as well.  I don’t like to hold resentment towards my daughter or husband but the stress level has gotten me there.  And the nights are rough.  I hate when bedtime comes; I hate it with a passion.

This morning, I was so frustrated with what happened last night that I did something very drastic today.  Frank is going to be very, very upset when he finds out so I am not going to say what I did yet.  (Just in case he is reading this at work!)  On Tuesday it will be revealed to all and I’m praying that it was worth it.

After I got my frustration out of me and I was done doing what I did, I stopped, looked to the heavens and just wanted some type of approval.  I believe God gives us all crosses but He also gives us the knowledge to do something about them.  You can’t just pray and expect an answer to fall in your lap.  You have to use your mind, the mind God gave you, and do something about it.  So I did; and I’m praying that I did right.

I accept my cross and I will carry it and I won’t expect God to take it away.  I know people who have heavier crosses then I, thus I have no right to pass on my cross.  I’m just lucky to be able to have such a small cross at this time in my life.

Because I am lacking in the creative juice area, I contacted my friend Nicole B about a month ago and needed help figuring out a shower theme and party favors.  I asked her because (a) she is so super creative and always has great ideas and (b) I love her.  She had a great idea to do an American Baby theme since our friends were both in the military.  Turns out, they actually meet and fell in love in Texas while they were stationed there for training.  Years later, they got married and Nicole C moved here to start her life with Jim.  So the American Baby theme was fitting.

Well, the theme didn’t completely work out because I’m very picky about decorations.  The decorations that could have worked because they were red and blue, said “It’s a Boy.”  And let me tell you, that is one of my biggest pet peeves.  A person is not an it.  An it is a car or a plant or a Diet Coke.  A person is a he or she.  So I was not about to buy any decorations that referred to their precious little prince as an it.  So out when that part of the theme. 

So the plan was to make sugar cookies, decorated in red, white and blue for the party favors.  The day before the shower, Nicole B showed up with the dough she made the night before and we went to work.

And I must say they were very tasty and she did an awesome job.  We wrapped the sweet treats in clear bags with white stars, tied with red ribbons with the blue tags.  So patriotic.

That night I went to bed and couldn’t sleep because my mind was racing with what I needed to do before the shower.  I had a horrible dream that I forgot to cook the party potatoes and hang decorations.  It was a train wreck but Nicole C didn’t mind at all in the dream.  She was all smiles.  But I was still worried and when I woke up I made myself a list.

And every time something was completed it was marked off. 

After my list making, Frank’s dad showed up and helped with last minute yard work.  And then he even agreed to stick around and help, as did Mary Rene, put up our new canopy. 

What a pain, but a great end result.

Then it was time for the “Baby Boy” decorations to be placed sporadically around the yard and house.

My mom came over and took Mary Rene to the grocery store so I could get some last minute things done and well, shower. 

Hours later, guest started arriving and the party got under way.  And I was a bad, bad host and didn’t take lots of pictures like I wanted to…but the memories were so good.  The weather was pleasant, the food turned out good and the guests seemed to be enjoying themselves.  I count that as a success. 

Jim & Nicole C got a lot of awesome gifts from their friends and they are so blessed.

They seemed to be really enjoying themselves as they chatted with friends about their little man.

I love how his wedding ring is visible in the picture (at least it is when seen on my computer!) 

And I did take advice and relaxed, when I could, and got to do a lot of baby talking with my friend.  We love our little basketballs so much.

I love how she holds her little man so tenderly.

Mary Rene was in bed within 20 minutes that night so Frank and I were both able to hang out, with a baby monitor, in the backyard for a couple more hours with our friends.  It was a long day but so much fun.

Oh what a week.  If it hasn’t been one thing it has been another.  So many changes in such a short amount of time that I can see why this girl is feeling overloaded.  On top of coming home to her own room, she weaned in the same week.  These two changes didn’t really effect her at first but within days it all came crashing down…and still is.

Since Mary Rene used to nurse to nap, we have had to figure out a new nap routine.  I’m starting to get a new routine down but the first few days were bloody rough with a lot of crying and fighting.  By the time I got her to nap, I was ready for a nap!  (Oh if I didn’t have to work from home.)  My original goal was to start getting her to nap in her toddler bed but that went out the window when she stopped nursing.  So I decided to keep some consistency and I would let her nap in my bed like she has done for the last year.  But Mary Rene had a different plan in mind.  She wanted me to stand up and rock her but this is a habit that I was not about to start.  Grandma Joanne already does this and it wears her out.  With a second baby on the way, I’m not going to have time to rock Mary Rene to nap everyday.  So I had to put my foot down right away.   Instead I am cuddling her for a few minutes and then placing her in my bed like my mom does.  At first she really resisted but after a few minutes she lays down and falls asleep.  With this new routine she was napping two hours again like she did when she nurse napped.  So that made me very happy.  Although it is stressful getting there, the end result pays off.  Hopefully it will get easier as time passes.

Strangely, she still is asking to nurse, sometimes will even put her mouth around it, but ends up staring at my boob before finally settling for cuddle time.

Yesterday was her best nap of the week and it happened at my parent’s house.  Funny how she never napped there and now it is the easiest place to get her to sleep!  When she gave me the cue that she was ready for her nap, I picked her up, cuddled for a few minutes and then placed her in the “nap room.”  She fell asleep within minutes.  And how precious does she look when she is napping.

But then sometimes she rolls to her side and looks even sweeter.

Oh breathtaking.

If only getting her to bed at night was as sweet.  We had a good thing going and Frank and I were gloating in our bedroom routine.  Until…all those changes took place.  Now we can’t get her to bed at all.  The night time routine is so off that she can’t comprehend sleep and we just don’t know what to do.  She got so mad about the sleeping situation that Sunday night she decided to climb out of her crib…and fell on the hardwood floor.  Ouch.  After that we decided it was time to switch things up even more and make her sleep in the toddler bed.  Needless to say, she ended up in our bed last night after struggling for over two hours to get her to sleep.  Ugh.

But on to the fun stuff.

Nearly every night, Frank has been doing a workout tape and Mary Rene likes to stand right in front of him and stomp her feet while he is doing jumping jacks and other moves.  I have been complaining nonstop about my thunder thighs so Frank was a sweetie and found a leg workout for me.  Of course, Mary Rene has to join me too.

Like I said in a previous post, work is fun to kids.

Check out Mary Rene’s car.

Sweet free ride wouldn’t you say?  Another treasure my parents found on the side of the road.  Mary Rene had to check and make sure all the bells and whistles, and engine worked before she drove her car into the sunset.

The phone works too, but papa quickly reminded her not to talk and drive at the same time.

Even though we have had a stressful weekend regarding sleeping, we had a lot of fun.  Frank was off Friday and Monday so we spent a lot of time together as a family.

We enjoyed some time at the park on Saturday and went to a 4th of July parade on Sunday.  The parade happened to go right past a friend’s house so we were invited to a 4th of July party there.  And I must say, we had rock star parking and front row tickets to the parade.  It was a great set up.

Mary Rene really enjoyed the parade, didn’t sit down once, as she grabbed all the candy off the ground and put it in her bag.  After the parade, we went in the backyard and Mary Rene got to play in the bounce castle.

When we were at the water park about two weeks ago, Mary Rene noticed some kids going down the water slide backwards.  Now, she goes down slides backwards too.

Girl cracks me up.

So even though we had a stressful week of sleeping, we had a lot of fun.  Here’s to another week of fun…and hopefully better sleep.

I realized the last few weeks I haven’t had time to write anything really thought provoking on my blog.  Well, really I haven’t had the energy.  I never got around to writing a Mother’s Day post for my mom or a Father’s Day post for Frank and my dad.  I’m just zapped.  Nesting can really take a toll on ya.  I do have about five or six ‘deep’ post I have been working on but they require too much thought and well, I don’t have time for thought.

But today was one of those days that made me realize I need to sit down more, give myself a break so I can see, smell, enjoy the roses…and write about them. 

Frank was off work and the plan was for him to do yard work in the morning while Mary Rene and I played.  I was watching her play with the neighbor’s dog and I thought, ‘damn she looks so cute.’  So I grabbed the camera and started snapping pictures.  Sometimes I look at her in a different light and I see such beauty that all I can do is preserve that moment of innocent with my camera (oh what I would do for a better camera!) 

And well, what I would do to be a better photographer!

After taking several pictures I turned to talk to Frank and noticed he was pulling something out of the shed.  I yelled over, ‘hey just go ahead and take everything out of the shed and we’ll clean it out.’  The shed had not been cleaned out since I bought this house seven years ago.  Seven years of dirt and cobwebs.  Among other things.  It was a mess and we both knew it was time for a clean-up. 

So Frank kept pulling things out one after another.  Mary Rene became really intrigued and wanted to help.  She climbed in and out of the shed, over and over again, while Frank moved out everything from within.  But like I said, it was a mess and she quickly got herself dirty.

She saw the bikes, which haven’t been used since before my pregnancy with her, and I asked Frank to ride one of them up and down the street for her.  Instead, he let her ride her first bike.  Even better.

Frank found fireworks from last year and decided to shot off one of the small streamer bottles.  Mary Rene liked that too.

I found an American flag and Mary Rene proudly waved it around.

And finally the shed was empty and Mary Rene saw a dance floor.  And dance we did.

We swept out the shed, took down the cobwebs and one by one it was reorganized and clean…for the first time in seven years.

Frank moved on to yard work and I decided to clean out Mary Rene’s pool.  Since she was already dirty I didn’t bother putting her in a swimsuit.  Once I was done cleaning out the pool with soap and water (a few thunderstorms had made it very dirty) we were ready to add fresh water.  And of course, she helped.

She was a mess, a real mess, and I might have ruined a good outfit.  (good thing we just got all those free clothes!)  But I realized there aren’t many moments like this. When you look through the eyes of a child, work becomes play.  While working together, Frank and I accomplished a huge task and got the shed clean.

Oh, if only you would have seen the before picture

And Mary Rene, had a great time ‘playing’ with her mommy and daddy. 

I realize more and more I can’t live my life focusing on a clean house (which it never is) or constantly having clean clothes and a clean face for my child.  Dirt can be washed away so easily but the memories can’t.  If I live my life worrying about the work that lies ahead (scrubbing the dirt stains out of her pink skirt) then I’ll miss the moments that are right in front of me.  We wouldn’t have danced in the shed because I would have been worried about the dirt.  She wouldn’t have gone for her first bike ride with Frank because I would have been worried about the grease chain…which did get on her leg. 

I’m so glad that I still catch these small glimpses of what life is really about so I can soak it all in.

By 10 a.m. our work outside was done.  We had a clean shed and one dirty yet happy baby.  A victory for all.

What a week.  And such a week that there was barely any opportunities to take pictures. 

Tuesday started off with a call from my mother-in-law that Mary Rene had a 101 temperature!  I rushed home from work, ran to the store to get her medicine (ours had expired) and quickly went to get her.  She was acting normal but sure enough she was very hot.  As I gave her the medicine Joanne mentioned that she wouldn’t eat lunch or take a nap.  I got her home and by the time we were settled her temperature was down to 99.  By the end of the day it was back to normal.  She was acting really sluggish and when dinner came around she barely ate and refused to be in her high chair.  When it came time for bed she didn’t want to nurse so I played with her hair and she fell asleep within minutes.  All the signs pointed to teething.  I think it is her second year molars that are coming in.  Something you learn as a mother is teething has very strange symptoms and sometimes none at all.  For Mary Rene, the fever was the onset of the teething, refusing to eat was a sign that her mouth was hurting, not sitting in her high chair was because her butt hurt (somehow the butt is connected to teething) and not wanting to nurse was because her mouth hurt. 

By Wednesday she was eating again, no temperature and she was ready to nurse first thing in the morning.  Unfortunately she remembered that nursing feels “oh so good” when she is teething and wanted to nurse a lot.  I only let her nurse three times and that was hard enough for me.

Thursday afternoon we headed to the pool and on Friday we swam at my parent’s house. 

Saturday we planned to spend the whole day in Grafton, Illinois to celebrate Father’s Day.  Frank had selected four or five different places he wanted to visit while we were there and that was his Father’s Day present.  (I originally planned for us to play golf in the morning but he thought it was too hot for me…thankfully!)  After visiting our friends Jim & Nicole C. at their garage sale we headed out to Grafton.  It was a 40 minute drive and Mary Rene slept for 30 minutes of it.  When we arrived at The Loading Dock, Mary Rene woke up…perfect timing.  But when she woke up she had a little cough.  We didn’t think much of it at the time though.

The Loading Dock was really nice because they had shaded areas for you to sit and eat outside next to the river.

We had a good view of the muddy Mississippi. 

While we were waiting for lunch, Frank and Mary Rene took the opportunity to goof off.

We seem to find cutouts everywhere we go and we have to get a picture!

After the loading dock we headed to the Brewhaus.  But the Brewhaus seemed to be filled with a bunch of uppies that turned their noses at the sight of a kid.  So we left and headed to the winery up the street.  We got the same feeling at this place as well.  By this point Mary Rene was getting tired of getting in and out of the car and it was quite obvious that our day in Grafton was over.

We decided to head back home and hit the pool.  We got to the pool around 4:20 p.m. and it was completely packed.  We played in the kiddie pool for a bit and then decided to hit the lazy river.  We were only in the lazy river for about three or four minutes when strong winds came through which were actually blowing branches into the water!  People panicked and started jumping out of the lazy river.  For a brief moment there it was scary in the water with everyone jumping out and over the ledge.  I was worried we would get tipped so I asked Frank if we could stay in a few more seconds.  Once it had cleared out, and we were floating by a bridge, he got out of the lazy river and then lifted Mary Rene out and then me.  (Daddy-our hero!)  We went and took cover under the concrete building along with many other swimmers.  Mary Rene didn’t know what was going on and held on tight to me.  I sat on the ground, covered her in towels and calmly fed her yogurt.  I thought it would be best to act like nothing was going on so she wouldn’t freak out. 

Along with the strong winds came the rain and nearly everyone left the pool and went home.  We decided to be safe and stay where we were since we were protected in the concrete building.  By 5:10 p.m. the wind had stopped and the sky was completely clear again.  And…they reopened the pool.  By this time nearly everyone had left so we pretty much had the pool to ourselves.  We ended up staying for another 45 minutes before heading home.

By the time we got home, Mary Rene was ready for bed.  We fed her a quick dinner, gave her a bath and she was in bed by 7:30 p.m.  Frank’s mom came over to “watch her sleep” while we went out for a nice dinner at Tony’s on Main Street (yummy!)

Sunday morning we were woken up by a violent coughing spell from Mary Rene.  Apparently that minor cough from the day before turned into a worse cough.  Ugh.  If we would have thought more about the cough then we wouldn’t have spent the day running around everywhere and going to the pool.  Not so great parenting skills on our part!

I called the children’s exchange and talked to a nurse about her symptoms.  After a long discussion, the nurse concluded that she had a viral infection and all we could do was “home remedies” to help fight it.  She said it could last up to two weeks!  Oh that sounds painfully long.  We decided to leave Mary Rene home for the day which meant we had to cancel our plans with our dads.  We spent the day inside, playing and resting. 

After her nap, she decided to love on her daddy.  I guess she knew it was Father’s Day after all.

By this time, she had a runny nose with her cough, which was a good sign.  This meant that the mucus was coming out and she would start healing soon.  By this morning, Tuesday, she still had a cough but was acting like her old self again.

I find it rather interesting that her first year of life she never got sick.  But once I get pregnant, my milk supply decreases (if there is any at all) and now she gets sick (second time she has been sick since I’ve been pregnant.)  Pretty darn good proof of how good breast milk really is!

In other news, Mary Rene is a jibber jabbering little girl.  Her new thing to say is, “NO WAY” when she doesn’t want something.  Apparently no is not good enough.  It is so darn cute but I try not to smile so she doesn’t know it is cute. 

She is also starting to say short phrases and carry on conversations.  Gosh she is getting so big on us.

Wednesday: The three of us went to our church picnic and Frank helped Mary Rene play some games.

Would you believe that every game she won a prize?  Turns out when you are cute and little you always win.

And Mary Rene was very proud of her prizes.

Thursday: We spent the afternoon running errands and well, eating ice cream with Nicole C.  Mary Rene helped me pick out a new maternity swimsuit so I’ll be ready for her swim lessons tonight.

Thursday happened to mark exactly five months from the day when Frank said, “I bet you won’t fit in there five months from now.”

Five months ago:

Today:

Not only has she grown but so have I!   It was a tighter fit but I still did.  And if you are wondering…

Yeah, not so much.

Friday: The morning started off with the word “SHOES SHOES.”  I left all the shoes upstairs from the six bags of clothes we received the night before.  Mary Rene is a shoe-acholic already and had to try on each pair.

When she was done playing with the shoes she wanted to try on the hats.

Although Mary Rene is not a hat fan, she has fallen in love with the pink baseball cap.

As for the cute princess outfit, she liked that too.

What’s up?

This might become a Sweet Pea “new” outfit because it was very tight on Mary Rene with her bulky cloth diaper.

But the afternoon took a turn for the worse.  As always, I nursed Mary Rene to nap.  She fell asleep and instead of unlatching her I kept letting her “sleep” nurse while I finished the chapter on the book I was reading.  (Informative book called “Pushed” about giving birth in the United States.)  Bad move on my part because while she was sleep nursing she lost grip and lightly started suckling on my nipple.  This has never happened before and it was not cool, not cool at all.  Luckily she was lightly sucking since she was sleeping but unlucky…I’m pregnant and I’m more sensitive.  I unlatched her and was able to stay calm enough to carry her to bed.  Once she was in her bed I looked down and noticed I was bleeding.  Well that just intensified the pain and made me panic.  I quickly grabbed some Lanisoh cream and treated my injury.  I decided to spend her two hour nap letting it air dry.  And well, I decided to retire that breast for a few days to let it heal.  Today marks four days since I’ve used it.  I’m healed now but am hesitate to try again.  I’ll see tomorrow if I have the guts to do it.

Saturday: Another day of running errands (picked up craigslist bookcase and then bought new mattress for Mary Rene.)  We also attended the Ordination Mass and witnessed our friend John Heithaus becoming a permanent deacon.  It was an absolutely beautiful Mass at the Cathedral and we are so thankful that we attended.  Although there was an embarrassing mommy moment when before Mass started, Mary Rene dashed out between the aisles and fell to the ground.  As I went to scoop her up I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Archbishop Carlson was right there with his posse of men.  I was mortified as I tried to pick her up from the ground.  Archbishop Carlson didn’t bat an eye or frown.  Instead he politely smiled and said, “isn’t she a little princess.” 

The Mass was two hours long and sometimes on a normal Mass day, one hour, we have a hard time keeping Mary Rene still and quiet.  (Lucky for me the two hour Mass wore her out and she took her nap during the car ride home, no need to nurse.)  Although I found out in Piedmont that to entertain her during Mass I just needed to give her my chapstick.  And well, it worked pretty good during the two hour Ordination Mass as well.  These pictures were taken at home but you’ll get the idea of why chapstick is so freakin’ cool.

Step One:  Apply chapstick

Step Two: Pucker Lips

Step Three:  Reapply because when you puckered you realized you missed a spot

Step Four:  Admire the fine job you did, smile and say “damn I look good.”

Step Five:  Lick lips because flavored chapstick makes a nice snack

Step Six:  Now that the job is complete, apply on daddy, mommy, Sophie B, and all stuffed animals in close proximity.

Sunday:  We usually attend 9 a.m. Mass but decided to attend noon Mass so we could be there for the Deacon Heithaus celebration.  And what a beautiful Mass again!  Our parish loves the Heithaus family and really, what’s not to love?  They are such great people and give so much of their time, energy and love to our parish.  We are truly blessed to have them.  The Mass was very crowded and ended up lasting 1.5 hours.  After Mass we went to the cafeteria for the reception.  We had lunch, dessert and received a family blessing from the new Deacon.  We didn’t end up leaving until 2:30 p.m. and again, Mary Rene was worn out and fell asleep during the car ride home.  Day two of not nursing her to nap. 

Monday:  I call this, Purple Monday.  When Mary Rene goes in her closet she always wants to wear her purple shoes.  Purple is her favorite color and I think we have Barney to thank for that.  So I let her wear her purple shoes, purple socks and I put on one of her new purple dresses, thanks to the six bags of clothes!  She was so happy to see herself in the mirror all decked out in purple.

After work I picked her up from my parent’s house and we went home.  (Day three of not nursing her to nap since I was at work.)  We were in the bathroom because, well every third month on the 8th I change our toothbrushes.  (yes I am that crazy and it is written on my calendar every three months to change our toothbrushes, along with the filters and other items that need to be constantly changed.)  So I pulled out the new toothbrushes and Mary Rene quickly took my old purple toothbrush. 

(She ended up brushing her teeth for a good 30 minutes!)

I looked on the ground and noticed before she picked up my toothbrush she dropped her four purple crayons.

I knew she was holding crayons but had no idea they were all purple.  I walked in the front room and realized she decided to draw me a purple picture on the couch.

Thankfully Mr. Clean erased her picture.

Tuesday: Today I am at work again and I am praying she takes a nap.  (Day four of not nursing to nap.  A much needed healing break for me!)  She hasn’t napped the past few Tuesdays and tonight we start swim lessons so I hope she is well rested and not cranky.  Oh, and we are praying for no rain too!

At the time, Mary Rene’s birth was magical, perfect in absolutely every way.  There was nothing I wanted or thought could be different because I was so in love with my amazingly, beautiful, healthy baby girl.  And to be quite honest, it still is magical and perfect in every way. 

But as time went by and I heard stories of women giving birth at home and saw natural birth videos, I started to realize how much I missed out on.  While watching “The Business of Being Born” I found myself crying as I watched these courageous women giving birth.  It was very emotional for me to watch and then read about natural birth stories in the several books I have been reading.  I’ve come to realize that the emotions weren’t just from seeing the baby for the first time.  I was also getting emotional watching the birthing woman interact with her husband.

And it hit me, I didn’t really have that.  Sure Frank was with me while I labored and delivered.  He was by my side for the most part except for the occasional run down the hall to give the family updates.  But for a good portion of the time I was just laying in the bed, letting the epidural do the work.  While I napped, he went down the hall.  When I was awake, we chatted or he would bring in family.  When it came time to push, he became my cheerleader and held my hand or placed his hands on my shoulders.  He was very active during the pushing because that was the only part I was really active.

But the intimacy of the labor process was missing.  I never thought as labor as an intimate act between a husband and wife but my perspective has changed after watching and reading so many stories of natural births.  Time after time, the husband is right at the woman’s side, encouraging her and talking her through the pain.  He is rubbing her or holding her in his arms while she breaths away a contraction.  She sweats and he sweats.  She cries that she can’t take the pain and he lovingly tells her she is doing great.  And she lovingly looks at him and keeps fighting.  It is so beautiful to see the husband and wife working together, as one, for the amazing outcome of their child. 

I want that beauty in this second birth.  After all, it was the beautiful act of love that created life so love should be there for the birthing celebration.  Not to say that love wasn’t there with Mary Rene’s birth because it was and it filled the room.  But it was a different type of love.  And this time I am aching for the intimate kind of love that got me here in the first place.  I don’t want the drug to do the work for me.  I want to birth this baby with the help of my husband, my soul mate, my best friend.  Because together, we are an unstoppable team; better than any epidural.