The Third Prayer

The documentary, The Business of Being Born, discusses how many hospitals and doctors have made women believe that they need all the interventions to give birth.  We need the epidural and other pain medication because we CAN’T handle the pain.  We need forceps and vacuums because the baby CAN’T get out safely.  We need c-sections because our bodies CAN’T deliver babies. 

Side Note: I do understand there are emergency situations that call for a c-section.  But 30% of our nation’s births are not emergencies and don’t call for a c-section.  The problem is that many doctors are deciding what is and isn’t an emergency and in most situations, they are not.  ‘The Business of Being Born’ also pointed out that in the US, the highest rate for c-sections is between 4-6 p.m. and 10 p.m. to midnight.  Interesting?  But hey, they were probably ‘emergency’ surgeries.  Here is a very in-depth, interesting article on c-sections that I recommend any woman to read who is considering an elective c-section. 

I keep thinking about baby Jesus or baby John the Baptist and how their moms, Mary and Elizabeth only knew one way to give birth.  The natural way.  It probably never crossed their mind, ‘geez, something to numb the pain would be helpful.’  Or ‘gosh, this baby isn’t going to fit through my cervix, I hope Joseph has the forceps ready.’  Or ‘if this baby’s heart rate drops Joseph will need to do an emergency c-section.’  Those thoughts just didn’t cross their minds.  Or their spouses.  They just knew that birth took place on its own.  How?  The mother listen to her body and let her body do what it was meant to do-birth a baby.

But somewhere along the line, women were made to believe that they couldn’t do it without help.  The only way to have a baby was with the assistance of a hospital staffed with doctors and nurses and filled with drugs.  At one time, hospitals were the place that sick people went to get better.  Not to have babies because having a baby wasn’t classified as a sickness or disease.  But now, it is considered an illness/disease, according to most insurance policies.  So yeah, the hospital scene makes sense.

When you really think about it, it can be very insulting to a woman when she is led to believe that her body can’t do it naturally.  Sure we can handle nine months of pregnancy, but labor and delivery?  Not without intervention.

Personally, I found it insulting when the anesthesiologist kept coming in the room, dangling his epidural carrot in my face because ‘he knew I needed the drug.’  He knew me so well.  After all, I was just another woman there to have just another baby.  I was just a number, maybe number 10 for the day, that would deliver baby number 10.  That’s all I was.  A woman who couldn’t handle the pain and would need the drug.  And thus, I had it.

I don’t want to offend anyone who willingly ask for the epidural.  The drug is great and it works.  I know because I had it!  So don’t take this post personally as a bash on women who get the epidural.  If you read it that way, then I am bashing myself!

My point is, it isn’t necessary.  Women for thousands of years had babies without the drug and women still have a medication-free birth today.  But for some reason we have been led to believe that we can’t do it anymore.  I was easily convinced that I needed it.  In a very vulnerable moment they asked me and I said yes-completely playing on my emotions.  But really, am I less of a woman than my ancestors?  No, not at all.  But I’ve been led to believe that.

The epidural took away the pain.  That is a fact.  The epidural allowed me to just lay there and relax and let the drug do the work.  The epidural was so great that I didn’t feel any pain, whatsoever.  Not during my nearly two hours of pushing.  Not when Mary Rene crowned.  Not when the shoulders were delivered.  Not even when I was stitched up.  Nothing, nada.  The drug is that great.

Sure I was loopy from the drug.  Sure, Mary Rene was loopy and groggy too.  Sure our nursing relationship started off bad.  Sure recovery was bad and a lot harder than I thought.  But, I didn’t feel a thing during labor and delivery.  Do you think that temporary pain blocker outweighs the rest?

When I look back, I missed out on so much because of the epidural.  I missed the natural feeling of emotions that would have poured out in my pain.  I missed out on sweating and the appearance that I “worked” for what my body just did.  I missed out on the climatic feeling of pushing and knowing, that what I was doing, my physical strength and will, was about to delivery my baby.  Not the drug or doctor, but me.  I missed the rush of emotions that I was supposed to have when I first laid eyes on my precious girl.  Sure I was emotionally, ecstatic but I was drugged too.  To this day, I wonder how much more magical that moment would have been if I would have had a clearer head.

But what I missed the most, was the bonding with Frank.  The epidural robbed me of an important intimate moment with my husband that I am longing for with my next birth.  And this, a completely separate topic, will be discussed in Part III.

About three weeks ago, Mary Rene and I meet my old running friend, Sharlene and her daughter at Creve Coeur Park for a playdate.  We meet at our usual running spot and then decided to head to the top of the park to the playground.  I got back in the car and started my drive around the lake.  As I drove pass the lake I noticed a few people on the course, walking, rollerblading, riding bikes and running.  And for the first time, I was at peace with being in the car instead of running.

To understand what I mean you have to understand who I was before Mary Rene was born.  When I was 21 or 22, I decided to start utilizing the college gym to get in shape.  I didn’t really know many people at the college and felt really awkward working out on a machine so I headed up to the indoor track.  And right there my love for running began.  Months went by and summer came along and I found myself signing up for 5K run after 5K run with my good buddy Jenny K.  At the end of each race, we would get a flyer for another race and would sign up.  At that race, another flyer, another race.  We ran a lot of 5Ks that summer and made a lot of great memories together.

At one of the last races that summer I recieved a flyer for a marathon in Rome, Italy.  At the time I didn’t realize that a marathon was 26.2 miles but the word “Rome” inticeted me enough to go to an informational meeting.  That night, I learned how much I would have to run and it didn’t phase me.  Even though I had never ran more than five miles at that point all I could think about was Rome.

So for 23 weeks I trained, all this while working a part-time job and attending college.  And at the end, I went to Rome and ran my very first marathon.  And the love affair began. (I’ll write about this more someday.)

Soon I found myself running all the time.  For the past 23 weeks I had grown accustom to running six days a week so I decided to keep it up.  I decreased my mileage here and there depending on what I was training for but I continued to run six days a week.

Two years later I found myself in Dublin, Ireland running my second marathon.  If I was going to run the distance I decided the trip had to be worth it!

The following year I became a running coach for Team in Training.  My job was to take someone from the couch and turn them into a runner.  And not just any type of runner, I was training these awesome people to become half and full marathon runners.   Yes, I trained people who never ran before in their lives to run 26.2 miles.  Being a running coach was a great job (minimal pay-mostly volunteer) and I met so many fantastic people.

After coaching a few races I decided to take a break from coaching so I could focus on my personal running again.  One of the gals I trained to run her first half marathon, Sharlene (see first sentence of this post!) and I started to run together on the weekends.  Soon my Uncle Jerry was running with us too.  Soon his friend Ray was running with us and soon after followed Jerry’s friends Bridget and Scott.  We became our own little running group, with no destination in sight, and met every weekend.

This takes us to 2007.

We spent the summer training for the Lewis and Clark half marathon which would take place in September.  On a training run, I convinced Sharlene and my Uncle Jerry  that since we already were increasing our mileage we might as well increase it more and train for a full marathon in December.  It would be the first for both of them.  And like magic, they both said yes and we started training together.   Ray, Bridget and Scott would join us on our long runs and eventually run different full marathons.  For months and months we met every Saturday for our long runs.  I would measure out a course ahead of time and we would start in Forest Park, work our way through the streets of Clayton or downtown St. Louis and eventually make it back to Forest Park.  After our runs we would hang out in the parking lot, eating the homemade bread one of would bring and munching on other snacks. 

I must say, those were some of the best running months of my life and I enjoyed my time with my running group.  Even though I was training to run races in foreign countries before, this was a million times better.  I will never forget that experience for the rest of my life.  

When the training ended, Sharlene, my Uncle Jerry and myself found ourselves in Memphis, Tennessee where I would complete my third, and best marathon.

The following week, we were at our meeting place to run and continued to run together the next couple weeks.

On Jan. 12, 2008 I went for a seven mile run with my friend Joanne and some of her running friends.  They were all training for the St. Louis Marathon and I was just joining to socialize with Joanne.  I ran the first four or five miles with them and then they headed off the Forest Park trail to continue their long mileage.  I spent the last three miles thinking about what I was going to do the rest of that day.  I remember that run as if it were yesterday.  And it is a good thing because…

later that day I found out I was pregnant with Mary Rene.

and…

That seven mile run has been my longest mileage since.

I decreased my distance and the furthest I ran during pregnancy was five miles.  I stopped going to the Saturday morning runs because my speed had decreased and I couldn’t keep up with my old running buddies.  Instead, I ran at my new, slower pace as I got larger and larger each month.  I was able to comfortably run up until my seventh or eighth month of pregnancy.  By that point, I had become so slow that I was pretty much walking so I took the plunge and switched to the walking status.

Six weeks after Mary Rene’s birth, I went for my first run and it was fabulous.  Although, my body had changed a lot and I realized I needed to wear a pad for awhile until I was back to my old self.  For the first three months of Mary Rene’s life, I tried to sneak in a quick run here or there.  When I did get the chance to run, I felt miserable afterwards.  I was slow and out of breath.  I missed my old pace.  I missed my old distance.  I missed my running buddies.

Winter rolled around and I stopped running.  This was the first time in my running career that weather had impacted my decision to run.  I used to wake up at 5 a.m. to squeeze in a four or five mile run in the summer to beat the heat.  I ran in rain, which I must say is very refreshing.  I ran a 16 miler in snow.  I was a running nut.  But now, weather made me stay in and to be quite honest, it was probably because I was tired of feeling sorry for my slow, running self.

Spring rolled around and I got too busy to run consistently.  Summer rolled around, and nothing changed.  And winter…I found myself pregnant again.

Every time I saw someone run by my house I would feel a pit in my stomach and instantly feel jealous.  I wanted to be out there, feeling the wind against my cheeks, letting the endorphins run and take over my body.  I felt stuck in my house. 

I would read blogs about moms who “got back to their old running speed” in no time and were “training for their first post-baby race” just months after the birth.  I ended up cancelling all those blogs on my Google Reader because they just made me feel worse.

I thought this feeling would never leave until I started running long distance again.  I was constantly getting asked from various people when I would start running again, or even worse, when would I start using that jogging stroller to jog instead of walk.  I felt horrible every time someone would ask me these questions because deep down I wanted to be out there running again.  I wanted my running life back so bad, but lately, someone else was running my life.

And then it just happened.  I found peace.  As I drove pass the runners on the trail, I realized how awesome my life is now and I wouldn’t change one piece of it.  I am so very  blessed and so, so, so very fortunate to be a mother.  Instead of taking Mary Rene for a run in the stroller, we take walks to the park and then I watch her play on the playground.  And honestly, that is a million times more fun then any distance I can run.  Being a mother tops traveling anywhere in the world to run a marathon with my closest running friends.  I’m living the life.

I realize my dreams and interest have changed along the way of changing diaper after diaper.  Instead of handing Mary Rene off to Frank when he gets home from work so I can go for a run, I look forward to family time.  I look forward to jumping on the bed with Mary Rene while Frank comes and tickles her.  I look forward to having a good meal on the table and enjoying it with my family.  I look forward to spending my little free time sewing.  My life is completely different now but it a much more fulfilling life and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Yesterday when I went to the zoo, which is at Forest Park, I didn’t blink an eye at the runners.  Forest Park, the place that for so many years I spent nearly every Saturday morning, meeting my friends for a run.  Forest Park, the place I trained for countless half marathons and three full marathons.  Forest Park, the place I meet my runners that I coached during my short time as a coach.  Forest Park, the best place to run in St. Louis.  I didn’t bat an eye.  Because sitting in my backseat was my pride and joy, Mary Rene.  And running was the last thing on my mind.

As the old saying goes, you get wiser with age.  And well, you get wiser with the second kid.  I’ve learned a lot since Mary Rene’s pregnancy by watching my friends raise their babies and well, by watching myself stumble and fall here and there.  I think Frank and I have done a fantastic job of raising Mary Rene and I wouldn’t take anything back.  She is who she is because of how we raised her and I love every little ounce of her.  But with Sweet Pea, there are some things I want to do differently and below is a list I have started compiling.  I’m sure once I publish this I will think of more, but I have been working on this post for a few weeks now and want it out of my “draft” folder!  So if I think of more, I’ll just write another post.  On the same token, there are a lot of things I will do the same. 

Feel free to add your thoughts and what you would do different the next time around.  I would love to see what everyone else has to say! 

Labor

• Wait to go to the hospital until I am in more pain or until the contractions are five minutes apart

I think I jumped the gun on this on.  We were excited, nervous, not really knowing what to expect.  Honestly, I felt pretty good and wanted to stay home longer.  But Frank and his mom both thought we should go to the hospital, so we did.  We got there at 7 p.m. and waited, and waited, and waited.  It wasn’t until early the next morning that I had the opportunity to push.  I think I could have easily stayed at home for another few hours.  That would have given Frank and myself some alone time, to work through the contractions together and really experience the birthing process.  The hospital setting just got in the way.

• Don’t get an IV

Or at least try not to get it right away.  I didn’t know that you had the option not to get it.  An IV makes you retain water which isn’t really a good thing.  Drinking water is much easier and then you can still move around freely.  Plus it took them four attempts to get the IV inserted and that was just painful.

• Walk the hospital and don’t get strapped to the bed

This goes along with waiting to go to the hospital.  We got there at 7 p.m. and by 7:35-7:45 p.m. I was laying in the bed with an IV and the baby monitor strapped to my belly.  Laying down is not cool and makes your contractions worse.  I took the child birth classes for a reason!

• Don’t let them break my water to speed up labor

That was just plain ridiculous.  If I can hold off and wait to go to the hospital, and hold off on the IV, and hold off getting strapped to the bed, then maybe I can hold off here too.  Getting my water broken made my contractions 10 times worse and well…the nurses gave me the nickname “Puddles.”

• Try for drug free

If I wait to go to the hospital, don’t get the IV right away, don’t get strapped to the bed right away, don’t get my water broken, then I can work through more contractions which would make it slightly easier to have a drug free delivery.  I was doing fine without the epidural until they broke my water.  That was just some quick, no nonsense pain that I didn’t think I could handle.  And the anesthesiologist was just waiting outside the room with his needle.  Plus, Mary Rene was so sleepy from the epidural that nursing in the beginning was tough.  On top of that, we had to pay the anesthesiologist for his services and for the drug.  I think that ended up costing us $400-500 towards our deductible.

• Have Frank take pictures from the side where you can see Sweet Pea’s face!

I am very happy that Frank got some pictures at all but all of the “first” pictures don’t show Mary Rene’s face.  You can only see the back of her head, my face and the nurse. 

• Have Frank get a picture of Sweet Pea’s first meal!

I didn’t get a picture of Mary Rene nursing until she was about six months old!  And honestly, that is the only picture I still have to this day.  Nursing has been such a huge part of our lives together and I want to remember these precious moments.  Including that first meal.  Some of my friends got pictures of that first meal and they are so precious.  I don’t think there is anything more amazing then a newborn baby, just minutes old, suckling on his/her momma’s breast.  That is why God gave women breast in the first place.

The Hospital Stay

• Hold my baby more

I feel like the only time I held Mary Rene was when I nursed her.  There was either someone visiting or we had her in the bassinet.  I want to cuddle more while I can because when I get home, I’ll have two kids to take care of and I know my cuddle time will be limited.

• Get out of bed more

I only got out of bed to go to the bathroom and change clothes.  I was in the mindset that I was on a mini-vacation.  Basically I paid the price when I got home because recovery was rough.  (Recovery was actually worse then labor and delivery.)  When I finished running a marathon, I never sat down at the finish line.  I would walk around, stretch out a bit and make sure to walk a lot the next day.  Same should go for labor and delivery.

• Walk down to the nursery

Heck I didn’t even leave my room with Mary Rene.  When we went to sleep at night we would send Mary Rene to the nursery so we could get some rest.  Frank walked down there every night to check on her and he would come back and talk about her in the swing and he wanted me to come see.  I was being lazy. 

• Sleep more

Well this is obvious.  When I get home I won’t be able to send Sweet Pea to the nursery for the night.  Plus I’ll have two kids to take care of so I need to sleep while in the hospital.

• Limit visitors

I’m going to sound like a complete scrooge here but I really need to be firm on this.  I was so happy to share Mary Rene with the world that both of our entire families and all of our friends came to visit at the hospital.  It was an exciting time and we loved the company.  But I didn’t realize how exhausting that would be.  Throughout the day, there are different hospital staff members (your doctor, your nurse, baby’s nurse, baby’s doctor, dietitian, lactation consultant, house keeping, insurance person, lunch lady, Eucharist Minister, baby photographer, etc.) in your room nearly every hour between 7 a.m. and 8 p.m.  I seriously am not kidding here.  There is little alone time or rest time with all the medical stuff you need to do.  Add that on top of a constant stream of visitors and you are overwhelmed.  Plus as a new mother I was afraid to nurse in front of anyone so every time we had a visitor I wouldn’t try.  Which meant I had to learn to nurse when I was at home, alone, and that was so stressful.  Sure this time I am more confident and really don’t care if I nurse in front of my family and friends.  But the extra rest and alone time would be nice.  Plus once you get home, you really need the help.  So a visit from a family member or friend means so much more when you are in the comfort of your own home.  And not wearing a hospital gown! 

• Understand all the paperwork I am signing

Point blank.  I don’t even know what I signed most of the time but I just signed it to get it over with because I wanted to keep the line of people moving that were in my room (see above comment.)  But this time I am going to be more cautious about what I sign and be 100% confident in my signature and approval.

• Try to get an earlier release

Is it really necessary to stay two nights?  I don’t think it is if you and the baby are doing really good.  I had some blood clot issues the first day with Mary Rene but they were gone by the second day.  If I would have asked, maybe we could have been released and I could have spent the second night in my own bed.  Plus, I can’t bear to think of being away from Mary Rene that many nights in a row.

• Since I am paying for it, take two of the booger snot sucker outer things

You can’t buy one that even comes close to pulling out snot like the hospital brand!  No joke!

Nursing

• Be comfortable nursing in public, anywhere and everywhere

There were so many times that I would hide in a bathroom, a dressing room or even go in a separate room when at family functions.  I need to represent nursing mothers and not be ashamed.  The only way to properly educate others on the importance of breastfeeding is to do it. 

• Don’t use a nursing cover

It draws way too much attention.  You pretty much have a huge billboard over you that says: NURSING BABY HERE!!!!!  I found that just wrapping a blanket around Mary Rene worked much better than the cover.  But honestly, I think I learned to be more discreet nursing in public when I just did it without any type of cover.  There were many times that I would be nursing Mary Rene and my brother would come in the room and start talking to me.  If he knew what I was doing he wouldn’t have been in the room with me.  I was so discreet about it that he thought she was sleeping. 

• Learn to nurse laying down sooner

I think Mary Rene was about six weeks old before I even attempted to try this.  That meant the first six weeks I would sit all the way up in bed, every two hours to nurse for 20-30 minutes to nurse.  Basically, I was wide awake and had a hard time getting back to bed.

• Don’t watch the clock so much in the beginning

Just nurse until Sweet Pea is done.  No need to switch every 15 minutes like they tell you to do in the hospital.  When I stopped watching the clock with Mary Rene, she started getting the hind milk which is the best part.  Baby girl put on some weight quick!

• Master nursing on one side and holding an empty bottle on the other side to catch let down

I’m a leaker, a serious leaker and I don’t think that will change with the second baby.  Double letdown baby.  I had to wear nursing pads until Mary Rene was 11 months!  No kidding.  Instead of pumping milk to get ready for my return to work I want to try and catch the milk from the other breast into a bottle.  I had a couple friends that were able to do this and it cut down on their pump time.  In addition, there is no good reason to have a wet, soaky pad of milk when it is good milk that can be used at a later date.

• Avoid red sauce!

I heard all the warnings about green vegetables and spicy food before pregnancy and stayed away from those foods.  But nobody warned me about red sauce and that was a huge, huge disturbance to Mary Rene’s belly.  We were so lucky to receive so many cooked meals from friends the first two or three weeks.  The only problem was that most of them contained red sauce and Mary Rene was crabby and didn’t sleep much those first few weeks.  Now I realize it was the red sauce.  I will definitely limit my red sauce intake until Sweet Pea is a few months older so I can keep that belly comfortable.  And well, that way momma can sleep more.

Baby Wearing

• Do it more

I wore my Moby Wrap a lot but not as much as I could have worn it.  I am currently sewing a ring sling so I will have two different slings to wear.  I think if I keep Sweet Pea in the sling for a good portion of the day, nursing and napping, then I’ll have more time to be hands on with Mary Rene. 

• Learn to nurse in my sling

I can already picture myself sitting on the couch for 30 minutes, every two to three hours, while Mary Rene roams around the house.  It would be nice to be able to go in the backyard and walk around while Sweet Pea nursed.  Or go grocery shopping and let Sweet Pea nurse while I do some shopping.  Time saver and oh so convenient.

Sleeping

• Always, always, put Sweet Pea back in the co-sleeper when I am done nursing

Always, always do this.  It was a bad habit I started with Mary Rene.  Main reason she is still in our bed.  I love co-sleeping but wish I would have kept her in the co-sleeper which would have defined her special place to sleep.

• At three or four months, start sleep training

Put the baby to bed when he/she is awake.  We didn’t do this with Mary Rene and well, we didn’t get to this point until she was 15 months.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the way we have raised Mary Rene, but the many, many nights of rocking a 23 pound baby were exhausting.  Plus, it is hard for other people to get her to sleep.  We need more options with Sweet Pea.  I hate the thought of sleep training but I know I need to work on it sooner with Sweet Pea.  Mary Rene was only able to fall asleep being nursed or rocked for the first 15 months.  Convincing her to sleep on her own was hard, not only for her but for us.  It would be nice to have Sweet Pea learn how to go to sleep on his/her own at an earlier age.

• Try to get Sweet Pea to nap on his/her own when he/she is three to five months old.

I still have to nurse Mary Rene to nap everyday.  It addition, Mary Rene doesn’t nap for Frank or my parents.  Frank’s mom has to rock her to nap still.  It would be nice for Sweet Pea to nap for everyone, regardless of the situation and where he/she is at that given time.

• All naps in crib

I got in the bad habit of letting Mary Rene nap on the couch.  Now, she naps in our bed.  Which actually is great because she takes longer naps in our bed because she is so comfortable there (pillow top mattress!)  But I want to make sure Sweet Pea naps in his/her crib so when he/she is placed in the crib so a connection is made that it is nap time.

• Around three to four months, take turns with Frank on who helps put Sweet Pea to sleep

For the first year, it was primarily my job to put Mary Rene to bed because she would only nurse to sleep.  When she wouldn’t fall asleep nursing then I would rock.  If I got tired and tried handing her off to Frank she would scream bloody murder.  Which just made it easier for me to do the job.  Sweet Pea needs to learn to fall asleep for anyone, not just mommy that way I can catch a break.

• Have a place for Sweet Pea to nap at my parent’s house

Mary Rene really didn’t have a place to nap and to this day, I still can’t get her to nap there.  If Sweet Pea has a place to sleep from the beginning then it will be easier to start the napping process.

 Vaccinations

• Don’t get Sweet Pea the Hepatitis B shot at birth

Which goes back to “Understand all the paperwork I am signing.”  I see no reason at all for my child to get a vaccine the day he/she is born.  Especially since I don’t have Hepatitis B.

• Be firm in my decision and don’t let anyone talk me out of the choices I am making for my child

Be firm, really firm.  I’ve spent way too much time researching vaccines to let someone push me around.  There are reasons that I am going to do what I want to do and I need to stay firm with whomever stands against me.

• Delay vaccinations

I wish I would have done this with Mary Rene but I didn’t know what I know now.  I just can’t understand why all those vaccines are needed in such a short amount of time.  I believe vaccines are important but they need to be spaced out.  Plus, Sweet Pea will not, under any circumstance, be getting any vaccine with tissues from an aborted baby.

Leaving the House

• Get outside more in the beginning

Even if it is just in the backyard or a walk around the block.  Fresh air is good for Mary Rene, Sweet Pea and me.  All parties win.  That is why I have a sling.

• Go to my parent’s house more often 

I didn’t do this in the beginning with Mary Rene and she had extreme separation anxiety.  For the longest time, she didn’t want to be alone over there.  It was hard for me to watch and hard for my parents to deal with too.

• Let my parents watch Sweet Pea more than I let them watch Mary Rene

Again, she had separation anxiety with them and I felt horrible for her and my parents when they were alone together.  I want Sweet Pea to feel more comfortable around my parents so they can be alone with him/her more often.

What I want to do the same

No pacifiers

Waiting to start solids until at least seven months

Breastfeed

Cloth diapers

Co-Sleep

Wow.  That was a mouth full.  Did you fall along?  Now tell me what you would do different the second, or third or fourth, time around.

Mary Rene has become a marathon nurser and boy am I tired.  I feel like she is an infant all over again.  She will be happily playing and then look over at me, tug on my shirt, get some milk, and go back to playing.  I remember when Mary Rene was a baby and one of the gals at La Leche League was telling us how her 13 month old son would come up for a “snack” every hour or so.  Well, Mary Rene comes for a full glass of milk each time.  No joke.  When she nurses, she goes to town.  Two hours later she is ready for another glass of milk.  No wonder she isn’t eating as much at her meals!  Girl has a full belly of milk.

Baby girl has been having some serious sleep issues and we are not sure what is going on.  It started a bit befoe we moved the mattress to the floor so we don’t think it has to do with the change in her room.  She has been waking up about three to four times in the middle of the night.  The only thing that will calm her down is nursing.  I tried this morning not to nurse her at 5 a.m. when she demandfully requested it.  But I was  just so darn tired that I gave in.

Speaking of being demandful, baby girl is starting to throw some serious temper tantrums.  Yesterday I took the remote control away from her and she started screaming at me and then was throwing her arms and head against the couch.  I kept telling her no and she came over and pinched me!  Where do they learn this?

She is starting to go through separation anxiety again and in most situations she only wants mommy.  I heard they go through this phase again, and we just need to remember, it is a phase.

Okay, enough of that.  Let’s talk about the fun stuff.

This is our house

Wanna know why it is a mess?  Besides the fact that we have a very small house, Mary Rene has a new game she likes to play.  She like sto take all her toys out of the toy box, scatter them around the house and then get in the empty box.

Wanna know what happens next? She will sit in her box and point at a toy for me to bring it to her.

One by one, I bring a toy to her and fill the toy box up with her inside.  After a few minutes she will get out and start the process all over again.  Talk about keeping a kid busy for a good hour!

Mary has a lovie and it is her mini afghan that my mom made her.  She takes it everywhere she goes.

Mary Rene made up her own sign for “Itsy Bitsy Spider.”  When she does the sign that means she wants you to sing her the song!  There is a lot going on in this video but one minute in she will do the “Itsy Bitsy Spider” sign.  Don’t ask what all that other madness is about.

Like I mentioned last week, we took apart Mary Rene’s crib and she is now sleeping on her mattress on the floor.  This is what her room looks like now.

I pull the Dora the Explorer couch out so it makes a bed.  That way if she falls off her mattress she will roll right onto the Dora couch.  Unforunately she still hasn’t realized that she can get off her new bed by herself.  She still cries and sits or stands on her bed until we come and get her.  She even does this for her naps!  I know it will only be a matter of time before she realizes she can get up herself and come to us.

We moved our mattress off the frame and we bought a toddler rail for our bed.

The great thing is that Mary Rene knows how to safely get off the bed by herself.

Yesterday I was able to sit in the kitchen and work until she woke up.  She got up and crawled out of the bed and started to come find me.  Sweet!  Now we just need to get her to do that for her bed.

Last week, loyal reader Rae mentioned in a comment that I should write a post about time management.  Interesting.  I immediately thought, “oh that is a great idea.  Something different to write about.”  The next morning while I was out for my morning run I started to think about how I manage my time.  And well, I realized I don’t. 

So that day I decided to start managing my time more effectively so well, I could write about how I manage my time.  I decided that in order to figure out how I manage my time I needed to limit my internet usage.  I keep my work laptop on the kitchen table so I can respond to work emails throughout the day.  Sunday evening I  would open the following internet windows for the week:  work email, personal email, facebook, google reader, my blog and an open yahoo to do web searches.  The days I am at home, every 20 or 30 minutes I would walk to my laptop to see if I had a work issue to address.  If I did, I took care of it.  If I didn’t, I would take a look at all those other open windows.  Okay, I’ll be honest here.  Even if I had a work issue I still looked at all my personal windows.  The first thing I did in the morning was check all my windows, first thing when Mary Rene napped was check my windows and last thing I did before I went to bed was check my windows.  I realized that my day was revolving around all those darn windows.

So thank you Rae for the comment because now I am managing my time better.  But to answer your question, this is how I do it.

TV watching: 

I’m not much of a tv person however I DVR four shows. The shows come on Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday.  I watch Tuesday’s shows on Wednesday while I nurse Mary Rene to nap.  Thursday’s show on Friday while I nurse Mary Rene to nap.  Friday’s show with Frank after Mary Rene goes to bed.  And Sunday’s show on Monday while I nurse Mary Rene to nap.  When she was taking two naps I would also watch a soap opera during the second nap but that nap is gone so I don’t watch that crap show anymore.

In the morning I watch the news so I can know what is going on in the world before I open the front door.  Once the news is over I turn off the television and switch over to the radio.  Depending on the guest, I might turn on Ellen at 1 p.m. but most days I don’t.  We do not watch any cartoons or other programs during the day.  The radio stays on all day until the 5 p.m. news.  After the news I turn the radio back on.  When Frank gets home he turns the tv back on and it is usually on for the rest of the evening.  At this point it becomes background sound and we really should switch back to the radio.  That is something I need to work on with him. 

Internet usage:

Like I mentioned above, my internet usage was out of hand.  So now I open all my windows in the morning before Mary Rene wakes up.  I check my personal email first and respond to anything that needs quick attention.  I do a quick facebook scan and might do a status update (although I haven’t in a week.)  I then will spend the rest of the time on google reader until Mary Rene wakes up.  Once she wakes up all my windows are closed except my work email.  During Mary Rene’s nap or when she goes to bed I will work on my blog. 

Sewing:

Now that Mary Rene is taking one long nap I have been able to sneak in a little sewing during the day.  (I wasn’t doing this before because I was always on the internet!  But now I have so much more free time!)  However, I only do this once a week during nap time.  Physically sewing is out of the question since the machine would wake her so instead I do my prep work during naps.  I can look through my material, pick out the fabric and start cutting out my pieces.  During one of her naps last week I was able to cut out a whole pattern to make my mom a purse!

(I call the purse, “Pieces of Mary” because it is made from different pieces of all the dresses and hats I have made her thus far.)  Depending on our week, I try to sew at least once or twice a week after Mary Rene goes to bed.  If Frank is watching the game or another show that I’m not interested in then I will go downstairs and sew.  I usually sew for at least an hour before I head back upstairs.  (I’m very religious about being in bed at 10:30 p.m.) I’m not much of a tv person and sitting on the couch doing nothing is very hard for me to do.  The only time I really sit on the couch with him is if we are listening to the radio and actually interacting (a/k/a talking.)  TV watching together doesn’t count as quality time to me.  Although we do it on Friday nights while I watch Ugly Betty.  But then again, I rub his feet while I watch my show so we both win.

Workout:

Every morning I set my alarm to go off 45 minutes early so I can get up and go for a run.  Seven out of 10 times I hit snooze.  I blame that on the fact that Mary Rene still doesn’t sleep through the night.  But the mornings I do go for a run…heaven.  I love my morning runs so much and really wish I could do a better job of getting up every morning.  I clear my mind (and lungs) and re-energize.  Plus it is my bonding time with Sophie B.  She needs all the attention she can get.  Besides running, I do mini workouts with Mary Rene.  I have different ways I hold her and play with her so I can work on my arms and legs.  Little does she know that I am using her as a 23 pound weight.

Clean House:

Now that Mary Rene is mobile and more independent, I am able to clean house while she is awake.  I used to clean during her naps but that left little time for me to work or relax.  So now, I save all the chores that I can easily do while she is awake for well, when she is awake.  We load and unload the dishwasher together.  She walks behind me while I sweep.  She runs away when I vacuum.  She hands me clothes to fold.  The only thing I can’t do while she is awake is iron because the board is downstairs.  I either iron when she naps or I iron on the weekends when Frank is home. 

Run Errands:

Working part-time makes life easier for Frank and I.  I try to get all our errands run on my days off.  Mary Rene loves running errands and she does really good at the store.  We start running our errands immediately after eating breakfast and could be gone for at least an hour or two.  By the time we get home and unpacked she is usually ready for a nap.  It does take up a chunk of the day but it is nice to get this done so the weekends can be spent doing family things.

Hanging out with Frank:

We have a stay-in date night once a week when Mary Rene goes to bed.  The nights when I don’t sew we sit on the couch together and hang out.  We do family activities on the weekends.

Hanging out with Friends:

Well I’m not doing as well in this category but I am getting better.  The group of friends I hung out with before Mary Rene was born I don’t get to see that much.  They hang out at night and frankly I’m just too tired to get together.  But motherhood has connected me with a lot of new groups of women and I’m getting some adult time still!  I go to La Leche League meetings to have some womanly conversation and Mary-free time.  For those that don’t have kids that may sound BORING but let me tell you, I love those meetings.  It is a chance to get out and be surrounded by women who share my same views (on so many different levels.)  I also have a few different mom groups that I belong to and I go on play dates occasionally.  That depends on what Mary Rene and I have planned for the week.  My sister doesn’t work on Fridays so we’ve been hanging out during the day.  And honestly, my mom has been my best gal pal lately and I’ve been spending a lot of time with her.  If Frank is going out with friends or when he has a hockey game, I usually call her first to see if she wants to get together.  Unfortunately she lost her job so she has more free time.  But on the flip side, we’ve grown much closer.

Okay, I think that covers everything.  I still could do much better at managing my time but I am getting better at it.  The older Mary Rene gets the easier it is to sew and workout.  I really don’t know what will happen when we have a second baby in the house someday!  That will definately put a completely different spin to my schedule.  But for now, I’ll do what I do.

We don’t have anything to eat in the house.  Mary Rene didn’t have any clean diapers.  The rug hasn’t been vacuumed all week.  But it was 67 degrees yesterday and I decided to live in the moment for a change.  We went to visit my parents and my mom, Mary Rene and myself decided to go to their local park.  Mary Rene instantly climbed up the stairs and wanted to keep going down the slide.  I would get her set up and then Mary Rene would push herself down and my mom would catch her.  She was having so much fun that we had to keep setting her up over and over again.

I guess she finally wanted a change so she walked over to the tube and started playing peek-a-boo with my mom.

 I thought she would crawl through but she never did.  We decided to leave that park and go to the other park that was just right up the street.  This park had swings!

Baby girl was having so much fun that she kept kicking her legs back and forth.  Everytime she would come forward she would lean up and look down.  After about the fifth or sixth time I realized she was watching her shadow.

Nobody else decided to live in the moment that day so we had the park to ourselves.

After swinging we moved to the playground and Mary Rene instantly tried climbing up towards the slide.

This was a big, twisty tunnel slide and I was not about to let her go down alone.  I sat her on my lap and we slowly slide down.  Apparently she didn’t have fun because that was her last time down the slide.

Instead of playing on the playground, she wanted to play under it.

We played “I’m Gonna Get You” and she was laughing so hard as she ran away from us.

It was a complete gigglefest and soon Mary Rene was worn out and ready for her afternoon nap.  We left the park, went home and Mary Rene got in a short nap.

Around 4 p.m. my mom came over to watch Mary Rene until Frank got home.  I went to happy hour with my co-workers.  I had my first maragrita since Jan. 5, 2008.  (The only reason I remember the date is because it was my friend’s birthday and the next week I found out I was pregnant.) 

When I got home, I put Mary Rene to bed and Frank and I danced.  Yesterday was a great day and I’m pretty sure I lived in the moment.

There are days when I don’t get the chance to sit.  When I say sit, I mean, sit and relax and do nothing.  Yesterday was one of those days.  It all started when Mary Rene woke up at 4 a.m. and wouldn’t go back to sleep.  Usually when she wakes up, Frank or myself will bring her in our bed and she goes right to bed.  But it was different that night and she kept silently staring at me.  Baby girl’s growing teeth are bothering her and it seems to hurt most at night.  While some people can ignore a staring baby, I can’t.  I have a hard time falling asleep when I know my baby is awake.  So I nursed her, hoping that would make her fall asleep.  Nearly 20 minutes later, she was still wide awake and wanted to keep nursing.  I had to unlatch her because I was just getting exhausted and couldn’t relax myself.  She tossed and turned and finally at 5:15 a.m. she was fast asleep.  The only problem was, she was fast asleep on my arm which was twisted sideways.  Every time I tried prying my arm from her she would squirm and start to whine in her sleep.  I didn’t want to risk waking her up so I went back to bed in a very uncomfortable position. 

When my alarm went off at 6:15 a.m. for my morning run I quickly hit snooze.  If this had been a work day for me then I would have been able to rest a bit since I sit all day at work.  But this was my day to be at home and well, home is busy.  I decided to sleep in with Mary Rene since I didn’t get much sleep that night.  At 8:20 a.m. she was up and ready to start her day.

So our day has begun.  I change her clothes and diaper, sing her morning song and say our prayers, let Sophie out to pee and then we nurse.  As soon as she was done nursing we went downstairs to wash a load of towels.  We only had one clean towel so this couldn’t wait.

I planned to cook French Toast for breakfast so as soon as we came upstairs I started cooking.  Right after we eat breakfast, Mary Rene hung out in the kitchen while I put the clean dishes away, washed the new dishes, and started the dishwasher.  We then go downstairs so I can move the clean towels into the dryer.  While I’m down there I wash Mary Rene’s clothes.  Sophie decided to pee in the basement so I had to clean it up too.

We head back upstairs and it is now 9:30 a.m.  I had already planned on making a crockpot meal which needed to be started by 10 a.m..  So we were back in the kitchen and I started to prepare the meal.  This receipe called for cooked turkey and opening eight different cans of vegetables and beans.  Therefore, the preparation took a lot longer than usual.  Once the food was added to the crockpot I had to clean up my dishes again.

I looked over at Mary Rene and like clock worker, she gave me her morning yawn.  It was 10 a.m. and it was time for her morning nap.  I change her diaper, grab her blanket, and we sit on the couch to nurse.  She is really excited about this meal and decided to not fall asleep right away.  It takes her 20 minutes of nursing before her eyes start to drift.  Thirty minutes into nursing I can finally unlatch her and lay her on the Dora the Explorer couch.  I run downstairs to take the towels out of the dryer and move Mary Rene’s clothes in the dryer.  I run back upstairs and quickly, quickly take a shower (FINALLY!)  As soon as my shower is done, I quickly wipe down the bathroom sink and toilet.  I grab the Windex and clean the mirror in the bathroom and then I clean the microwave.  I finally sit down to start checking work email.  I have a lot of pressing issues to take care of so I quickly start to work.  About 10 minutes into working, Mary Rene wakes up and it is now 11:20 a.m.

I’ve accomplished a lot during her nap and I feel really good.  I change her diaper, put on her jacket and we head to the grocery store.  We do some quick shopping and we are back by 12:40 p.m.  I prepare lunch and we eat.  The weather is nice and since there are not many more days like this we head to the backyard.  Mary Rene walks back and forth from her playhouse to the neighbor’s dog to say hi.  I take this opportunity to rake the leaves.  I’m able to fill the trash can and one yard bag before Mary Rene falls and wants to be cuddled.  I scoop her in my arms, love on her for a bit before we play in the front yard.  Mary Rene plays with the pumpkins while I rake more leaves. 

It is now 1: 45 p.m. and Mary Rene is giving me her second nap yawn.  We first run downstairs and move the clean clothes into the dryer and I bring up the dry towels from early.  I quickly fold the clothes, with Mary Rene’s adorable assistance.  And now it is nap time again.

By 2:20 p.m. Mary Rene has started her second nap.  I set her down and quickly put the groceries away from our shopping trip.  I write a quick paragraph on my blog about her teething.  No time to write a real thought.  I check my work email and start to work again. 

At 3 p.m. Mary Rene is up from her nap.  Diaper change again.  We head outside to play some more to enjoy the nice weather.  We only play outside for about 15 minutes before it is snack time.   I grab some string cheese and we have snack time by the front door so Mary Rene can sight see at the same time. Mary Rene stops eating and points out the door.  I look and see Mr. Meyer walking by so I poke my head out and invite him in for a visit.  Mary Rene excitedly shows him all her toys and takes him in the kitchen.  This prompts a tour of the entire house.  After about 20 minutes Mr. Meyer leaves and it is just us again.  I run downstairs bring up the laundry basket with her dry clothes.  Mary Rene helps me fold the laundry and then climbs in the empty basket and gives me that look.  The look that says, “push me around the room momma.”  So I do.  By this time it is 4:30 p.m. and I realize that we have been so busy that we have barely had time to play.  So I spent the next hour playing games and reading books to her. 

Frank walks in the door at approximately 5:45 p.m. and while he is hanging out with Mary Rene I set the table for dinner.  Frank isn’t hungry so Mary Rene and I start to eat at 6 p.m.  Around 6:20 p.m. we are both done and it is time to clean up.  Frank cleans up Mary Rene’s mess while I clean my dishes.  At 7 p.m. I start Mary Rene’s bath water and try to get her undressed.  She is running back and forth and won’t stay still so I am really struggling for her cooperation.  By this time, the day is weighing on me and I am ready to collapse.  Frank is talking to me about some running show on tv and I just can’t even break a way to see what he is talking about.  I put Mary Rene in her rubber ducky and she starts to play while I give her a bath.  Mary Rene only last a few minutes and is ready to get out.  I bring her in the front room and while Frank is reading Psalms I am putting lotion on Mary Rene’s body, combing her hair, putting on her clean diaper and pj’s while she is running around the front room.  All at the same time. 

When Frank is done reading Psalms, Mary Rene kisses Frank and Sophie good night and she is ready for bed.  I take Mary Rene in her room, turn on the radio, turn off the lights, sit in the rocking chair, hand her a blanket and she starts to nurse.  Luckily this is a good night and she is asleep within 10 minutes. 

I leave the room and am able to catch Frank before he heads out the door to meet up with some friends.  I finally sit down, watch Oprah from earlier that day and read my Woman’s Day magazine.  I give myself an hour to relax before I have to start sewing.  I bring up my ribbons, scissors and fabric and start working on five taggie blankets for my friend’s newborn babies.  I work for about an hour before I’m ready for bed.

Before I can go to bed I need to, let Sophie out to pee, get my work clothes ready for the next day, add water, a filter and my coffee grains to the coffee machine, and set my breakfast out. 

I finally lay my head down at 10:45 p.m.  At 11: 15 p.m., Mary Rene is standing up in her crib crying.  I scoop her in my arms and bring her to bed with me.  In a matter of minutes she is asleep so I carry her back to her crib.  The day is finally over.

But I must say, there is no where else in this world that I would rather be.

This post has been sitting in my draft folder for about two weeks now and I’ve been meaning to finish writing this…but time has escaped me.  But I’m realizing more and more each day that this is something I need to write about because it really affects my marriage. 

I’ve been having an affair for over a year now.  I’ve tried to turn it down a notch several times but I keep failing.  I don’t want to stop it all together but I know it is really getting in the way of my marriage.  The funny thing is, Frank and I met this person together and Frank loves this person to pieces as well.  The big difference is that Frank can separate being a husband from being a father.  I on the other hand have a hard time separating being a wife to being a mother.  I have been having a hard time turning off the mommy switch when I need to be in wife mode.

So I admit it: I am having an affair with my daughter.  My first thought when I wake up is her.  My final thought before I go to bed is her.  I think about her a lot throughout the day and often find myself thinking about what the future holds for her.  These are thoughts that I used to have about Frank.  But…well, I don’t as much anymore.

Having a baby has changed our marriage in so many ways.  Mary Rene adds this crazy dynamic to our relationship that sometimes it is hard to understand.  Mary Rene is a product of the love we share together but at the same time, she is the product of the hard spots in our marriage as well.

I don’t want to give the wrong impression so I must state that our marriage is fine.  When I said “hard spots” above I don’t want people to think we are having problems in our marriage.  It is just that our marriage is different on so many levels that it isn’t the same as it used to be.

I never realized or even imagined, how much a child can change a marriage.  Now I understand why people say marriage takes a lot of work.  Add a baby to the mix and you have to start working on your marriage to keep it fresh. 

When Mary Rene goes to bed and we are finally alone it is hard to turn off my mommy switch and be 100% focused on Frank.  I know it is hard for him as well but it is a million times harder for me.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Frank and I am still madly in love with him.  But it is much harder now to focus on him. 

The prolactin hormone raging through my body doesn’t help the situation.  I thought that hormone would eventually subside but well, it hasn’t.  I’m not blaming lactation but it really does add a twist to your marriage.  A twist that your spouse just doesn’t understand. 

I’ve been trying to make a conscious effort to give Frank my undivided attention when we are alone.  Last night I was asking a lot of questions about what teams are in the running for the World Series.  Right away he said, “why do you care all of a sudden?”  He didn’t say it to be rude but honestly, why all of a sudden did I care about his interest?  The last year I have showed no interest in his happiness.  I haven’t watched baseball games with him.  I haven’t enjoyed listening to his new cd.  I have been disengaged because my mind is engaged elsewhere.

I feel like I am stuck in the Bermuda Triangle.  Is it too much to ask to push my husband back to the top of my todome pole?  We did talk about practicing SPICE again in our marriage.  But that’s all we did was talk about it-we haven’t started it yet.  I really think if we start SPICE again then we can get our marriage back to where it used to be.  So maybe that should be my goal for this week.  Be spicy again.

I know I am not alone and I’ve heard from several of my friends that they are having the same issue with their marriage.  The love is still there but it is completely different. 

Frank loves Mary Rene to pieces and he looks forward to coming home and seeing her.  But I can tell that he comes home and is happy to see me as well.  I can hear it in his voice that he missed me and really wants to connect with me.  He wants to connect with his wife; not his daughter’s mother.  When I look in his eyes, I can see that he is still madly in love with me.  I just hope that when he looks at me he sees the same reflection.

As my first year of motherhood comes to an end I thought I would compile a short list of things I didn’t expect about motherhood.  There are a million more then what I listed below, and I know as soon as I publish this I will want to add to the list, but this is what I wanted to share.  I never thought that 

• Love at first sight existed.
• When you see your baby for the first time you get a glimpse of what it is to see God.
• Functioning on two hours of sleep is completely doable.
• Nursing can be such an incredible, awesome part of my life.
• Running three full marathons, and countless half marathons would no longer be my greatest accomplishments.  Breastfeeding for an entire year, and beyond, would replace that….easily.
• I would get to the point that I didn’t even feel her nursing anymore (oh those were some tough first few weeks!)
• I can actually fall asleep while my baby nursed.
• Milk breath could be so sweet.
• Learning to sleep sideways with your left arm acting as a barricade for your daughter wouldn’t be so bad.
• We would happily co-sleep for 11 months.
• Watching your baby sleep can take your breath away.
• Watching your baby sleep, with your husband at your side, can make you fall in love all over again.
• I could change a diaper in the dark without waking my daughter.
• I would master the perfect “shh shh shh shh.”
• I would find myself ’shushing’ when I was alone at the grocery store.
• I would start to ’shush’ myself when I get stressed.
• A mother does have four arms and can carry a child, a purse, her baby’s purse, a diaper bag, a briefcase holding your laptop, your lunch box, your milk bag and still manage to pull the keys out of her pocket to open the door.
• Staying in on Friday and Saturday nights, countless weeks in a row, really isn’t that bad.
• I would pay $140 for a pair of running shoes that would only be used for stroller walks.
• My shin splints would come back but not from running; they would be from rocking.
• Life could really be this good.
• Nothing else really matters in the world but your family.
• Being called a mom is the coolest thing I’ve ever been called.

Today is Joanne, my mother-in-law’s birthday.  I can’t say enough nice things about Joanne.  But before I begin I need to tell a story. 

The day before Mary Rene was baptized, Frank and I went to confession.  While I was talking to the priest, I broke down crying because one of my sin’s was jealously.  I was jealous of all my friends that got to stay home full-time with their babies.  I was angry that I had to work.  I sat there and cried with Father Bob as I confessed these sins.  He talked about Mother Mary and how she had to give the greatest sacrifice and watch her Son die.  He said I should pray to Mary, the best mother in the world, for wisdom.  Before I left he asked who would be watching my daughter the two days I worked.  I told him that my mother-in-law would be watching her and he said, “how lucky your daughter is to spend so much time with her grandma.”  He started talking about how close they will become thanks to me working, etc. etc. I know he was saying these things to help me find peace but it actually made me feel worse.  When I left the confessional I started to think about my own mother and how she wouldn’t get the opportunity to spend alone time with Mary Rene.  I felt this deep sadness for my mom that I actually started feeling really bitter.  So much for confessing my sins!

But this is how the grace of God works. 

Mary Rene was baptized the day she turned two months and I went back to work when she was three months.  I spent that month before going back to work thinking about what the priest had said.  I was bitter for awhile but slowly I started to see the beauty in his words.  In my own life, I only had one active grandma, Pumpkin-my mom’s mom, because my dad’s mom wasn’t really involved in our lives.  I was really close to Pumpkin because she was my only grandma and she really loved her grand kids.  I started to realize how blessed Mary Rene was to have TWO grandmas to love her.  One grandma to watch her while I worked and one grandma to hang out with the days I was off work.  The priest’s words finally allowed me to be at peace with going back to work.

And could I have asked for a better person to watch my daughter the two days I work? 

Joanne is absolutely head over heels in love with my baby girl.  I know Mary Rene is in good hands when I drop her off at grandma’s house.  I don’t have to worry about Mary Rene getting hurt because Joanne watches her like a hawk.  I don’t have to worry about Mary Rene having crying fits because Joanne knows the perfect rock to calm Mary Rene down.  My baby girl loves her grandma to pieces and is always excited to be dropped off.  She actually can’t get out of my arms quick enough to be in grandma’s arms.

When I am pumping at work I read baby and parenting magazines to help with milk production.  When I am done reading the magazines I give the copies to Joanne.  I don’t give her the magazines so she knows what is “in the new” with raising babies.  But I give them to her because she likes to read them.  She will read an article and the next time I see her she will mention something that she read that she found interesting.  A lot of times I skim through the magazine and miss important articles.  But Joanne will mention it and I find the information helpful.

When I was just a new mom and trying to learn the art of breastfeeding, Joanne was very supportive and still is today.  She didn’t breastfeed her babies but she was reading a lot about it in my magazines and she listened to me when I talked about how important it was for Mary Rene.  Never once did she tell me to stop and do formula because it was easier.  She encouraged me and was my cheerleader through those first few weeks. 

She had no idea how difficult breastfeeding was since she didn’t do it but she learned quickly by watching me.  I remember when Mary Rene was just a couple weeks old and I was having a hard time getting Mary Rene to latch on.  I was standing up and trying to get her to latch on when my milk started dripping everywhere.  Right at that moment Joanne walked in and saw the floor was all wet.  She asked what that was and through tear I told her it was my milk and I couldn’t get Mary Rene latched.  She quickly grabbed a towel and started to clean up the mess while I worked with Mary Rene.  She finally latched on and I was able to calm down.  I think at that moment Joanne really realized how much breastfeeding meant to me and how it truly was demanding.  I remember her being shocked at the amount of milk on the floor and saying, “wow, if that isn’t love I don’t know what is.”  So much truth in that statement.  Joanne has supported me through my breastfeeding journey and I’m sure she will continue to do so as long as I chose to breastfeed.

We have different parenting styles but I can honestly say that Joanne respects the decisions we are making for Mary Rene and listens to us when she watches her the days I work.  I am very lucky to have someone support us in this journey.

I could say a bunch more but Mary Rene is crying for me so I must end this post.  Happy Birthday Joanne and may God continue to bless you all the days of your life.