But besides sweet comments on my blog…

• I had a huge slice of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cheesecake from my dear friend Nicole C. yesterday (you know the way to my heart-through my tummy! Thanks sweetie for always listening to me and being there for me!)
• I had company for dinner and then a trip to the ice cream shop from my dear friend Nicole B. yesterday (well, you know the way to my heart too-through the tummy! Thanks for stopping by on such short notice and keeping us company while Frank was out.  Made my long day much shorter.)
• I had a lunch date with my co-worker Laurie today at the Cheesecake Factory where I indulged, again, but with Reese’s Pieces Cheesecake (Thanks Laurie for taking me out-I needed it after the work week I’ve had!  Thanks for listening to me complain-once again-about my work drama!  Only you would understand!)

But there are other ways to comfort me besides food.  Today, Mary Rene and I…

• Took a trip to Shane Co. to make my wedding band, engagement ring and Frank’s ring all nice and shiny like new (can’t wait to start wearing my ring again in a month!)
• Without an umbrella, walked slowly into Target and laughed as Mary Rene buried her head in my chest and watched her laugh away as we got wet (can’t say it enough but I love getting stuck in the rain when I’m pregnant!)
• Went to Target, browsed nearly every aisle and bought a bunch of junk.  Love me some junk.  And well, it makes it easier to checkout when you have breast pads (in preparation for nursing) and super huge, thick pads (in preparation for afterbirth) in your pile of junk.  Makes the cashier think twice about giving you and your protruding belly a strange look.

Maybe part of my reason for feeling depressed is because I haven’t been out shopping lately.  I’m not a materialistic kind of girl but getting out and about with Mary Rene is what I’m used to doing.  We are two busy bodies and this weather has kept us indoors like a bad case of winter.  So today at Target, we took our time going down the aisles.  We played some dress-up and I pulled out my handheld mirror to show Mary Rene how dazzling she looked.

If the purple flowered headband wasn’t $6.99 I would have bought it. Not a practical purchase at all when you are on a budget but seriously I would have because she looked so darn cute and for once, she didn’t pull it out of her hair.  She liked it too.

So I’m feeling better today.  The temperature is actually cool outside and I’m looking forward to getting out once my sweet little girl wakes up from her nap.  (screw the housework, it will be here when I get back.)  Maybe we’ll hit the local Goodwill and do some shopping.  Who knows where the day will take us.

Everything gets on my nerves.  Everything.  Just don’t even talk to me, okay?  I know it is the hormones but gosh I am on edge.  I just want a break from it all.

I don’t want to ever be pregnant in the summer again.  I can’t remember the last time it has been less than 90 degrees in St. Louis.  And if you leave a comment and tell me it has, well, you are wrong.  Because it feels like 110 outside when you are this pregnant.  When the weatherman says “high of 92 tomorrow” he really means “if you are pregnant, expect it to feel like 115-have fun!”

Mary Rene and I went grocery shopping at 8:45 a.m. yesterday just so we could beat the heat.  Did we?  Not really.  That whole adventure just made me even more irritable because on top of it being hot, Mary Rene refused to get in the cart so I spent most of the shopping trip carrying her, while pushing a cart and carrying a watermelon in my belly.  Try doing that for 25 minutes.  Luckily I was able to con her into “helping mommy push the cart” for half of the trip so I got a little break.  But that’s not the way you want to start your day.  I’m trying my best to be patient with her because I know she has no way of comprehending what is going on, but some days are really tough.

If the heat wasn’t bad enough, I still have this stupid cough.  I have had the cough for a good month now and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better.  I am on day eight of a 10 day “treatment” and I am showing no signs of improvement.  What’s the big deal about a cough?  Coughing fits can drain you.  Yet at the same time, you can’t sleep.  If the baby isn’t practicing kickboxing moves, if you aren’t getting up to pee, then you are coughing.  Sometimes I cough so hard that I come close to vomiting.  And an unexpected cough while pregnant, not cool, not cool at all.  I got to the point one day that I decided to just walk around the house naked because I was changing my darn underwear so many times.  A diaper would have been helpful because the pads just aren’t cutting it anymore. 

Funny?  Not really.  The coughing fits were so bad that they woke Mary Rene up at 6:30 a.m. yesterday.  The coughing fits were so bad that I had to cry myself to sleep last night.  If I’m not better in two days (slim chance) then my only option is to tough it out until the baby is born.  Once she is born, I can get an x-ray to see what is going on in there.  So right now, it looks like I have another month of this annoying cough.  Another reason I am not enjoying this pregnancy.

I had a pre-natal appointment on Monday and I mentioned to my doctor that I think Sweet Pea has dropped because there is a lot of pressure on my bladder.  More pressure on the bladder means more bathroom breaks, sometimes three in the same hour.  More pressure on the bladder on top of a cough means more laundry.  My water bill is seriously going to be so high from the constant flushing.  I know my grocery bill has gotten higher with all the toilet paper I am using. 

Frank was able to come to my doctor’s appointment and he asked if I could go early.  Doctor’s response: most likely not since Mary Rene was born only four days before her due date.  Usually your second pregnancy is a reflection of your first when it comes to birth.  That just depressed the heck out of me and has left me in a funk these last couple days.  I was really banking on having her a couple weeks early.  I know it is best to go 40 weeks but I was really hoping for only 37 weeks. 

Seriously, I’m that tired of being pregnant.  I was starting to think that if I forced myself to stay outside all day in the heat, run a few miles, then maybe I would cause my body to go into labor early.  Yes, I’m feeling that pathetic right now. 

Unless a cold front comes in, I’m ready now.  I’m fine with being a month early.  I’m pretty sure Sweet Pea will be fine too.  I’m just done with all this.  I am not having fun at all anymore.

I want to enjoy the rest of this pregnancy.  I want to refocus all my energy into the excitement of our new arrival.  But it is hard, really hard right now.

I never really thought about being a mother growing up.  I dated a guy for 1.5 years and another guy for three years before Frank and never once did I think about being a mother, or a wife, when I was with them.  But the moment I met Frank, I knew he was The One.  And with that came my desire to be a mother.  I guess you can say that is what separates him from my past relationships-he was the full package and put all the desires in my heart that the Lord entailed for me.  A pure and true sign that he was my soul mate.

When we started to get serious in our relationship and the topic of marriage and family came up, I would tell Frank that I wanted five children.  Like I said, the Lord put the desire in my heart to be a mother.  Frank was the polar opposite of me and was thinking one or two.  But I had dreams of a big family with lots of little ones running around.  I don’t know why I wanted a big family but it was something I dreamed about as our relationship progressed.

While engaged we took the Natural Family Planning (NFP) classes and talked about waiting a little bit to start a family but never really put a timeline on it.  The night before our wedding, I had fertility signs.  By this time, I had been tracking my fertility signs for four months and I knew the approximate number of fertility days I had until I would ovulate.  I timed it out in my head and we would be on our honeymoon.  I remember talking to Frank on the phone and telling him I was fertile.  With NFP if you don’t want to achieve pregnancy you avoid intercourse during your fertile days.  Well, that was not an option because we were looking forward to our wedding night for quite some time now and we weren’t about to wait any longer.  So we decided to use the fertile days and see what God had in store for us.

We didn’t get pregnant so we took that as a sign that God was not ready for us to be parents.  After talking to my nurse I realized that the allergy and motion sickness medicines I was taking during the trip could have ‘dried’ me out enough to not allow a pregnancy.  After hearing that, I never took those allergy pills again.  The thought of becoming pregnant but being too dry to hold a pregnancy just made me sick.

So for the next year, we diligently followed my fertility signs, avoided when we thought necessary and ’practicing’ when we wanted.  And to do that, it takes a lot of strength and will power.  All the stars can be in perfect alignment and the desire can be so great in your heart, but it is something you just know you can’t do.  NFP really brings you closer to your spouse because you have really raw and open conversations about your sexuality.  Sex isn’t just sex anymore but it becomes about life.  New life that is.  You know that the simple act of love can create life.  Sure you know that with using contraceptives as well, but when you practice NFP and know you are fertile, you really know that that very one action of love can result in a child nine months later.  It is why we call it making love and not sex.

When Frank quit his job, one month before our one year anniversary, we knew we had to wait a little longer to start a family.  But the desire to become a mother was growing so much stronger in my heart everyday.  I easily could have lied to Frank and charted wrong and used a fertile day and “oops” get pregnant.  But my desire was never strong enough to lie to my husband.  

Five and a half months later he found a job and that night, I told him it was time to change the way we looked at my chart.  I remember watching that chart for the next two weeks and anticipating my fertile days.  And when they arrived, the week of Frank’s birthday, we had a fun week planned.  I always tease Frank about how he stretches his birthday out for days by planning day after day of activities.  Well that year, he had a good weeks worth of activities.  I think he can thank my fertility for that.

And so, Mary Rene was conceived.  And our love grew deeper and stronger for each other, and for her, each passing day.

With breastfeeding, I didn’t have to worry about charting anymore.  Sure some women get their fertility back quicker when they nurse but I happen to be an exception to the rule.  I was only working twice a week so my lack of pumping encouraged more milk production.  I didn’t start Mary Rene on solids until she was seven months and even then she barely ate what I offered.  By her first birthday, 75% of her intake was still milk.  She dabbled with food here and there but she was a milk girl.  And I was completely fine with that.

But after spending a weekend pumping on my sister’s bachelorette party and the following week going on a business trip, my supply started to change.  And so did Mary Rene’s eating habits.  Within a few weeks I started to get hints that I would be starting my cycle again.  It wasn’t until the week of my sister’s wedding in October that I had a very unusual and light period.  I still thought it was a fluke because it was so abnormal, short and just not what I expected.  Frank knew but we really didn’t discuss charting.

Then November came around and after the five days with my friend ‘Flow,’ I thought there was a chance it was back for good.  We should have started charting right then and there but we didn’t.  And two weeks later, Sweet Pea was conceived.

I guess God knew we shouldn’t be charting.  He had bigger plans for us and we are so thankful for the stars all being in perfect alignment.  He set the stage for us and we accepted our roles and welcome the standing ovation-a baby nine months later.  I’ve thought about this all so many times and what wouldn’t have been if we would have charted.  And I’m thankful for “not being responsible.”  So I have my diligence with NFP to thank for Mary Rene and I have my lack of diligence with NFP to thank for Sweet Pea.  NFP-I owe you for giving me the two sweetest gifts in the world.

Mary Rene has become quite the vocabulary copy cat and is saying everything we say.  Which is very adorable as she is our little parrot repeating our every word to the best of her ability.  I love this stage.

I also love dress up and Mary Rene’s favorite accessory are her purple sunglasses (glasses.)

She wants to wear them everywhere, mostly indoors though.  Nine out of 10 times she puts them on upside down though, which is actually much cutier then right side up.

 This past week has been all about Piedmont.  Frank, Mary Rene, Sophie B. and I headed down Friday morning to meet my parents who were already there.  This would be our first adventure in the new minivan and with Mary Rene sitting forward.  She was having fun playing peek-a-boo with me through the headrest.

Speaking of peek-a-boo

Love her little contagious laugh at the end of the video.

The one downside to sitting forward is her chair doesn’t recline anymore.  Which means naps in the car, don’t seem to be as comfortable.  But she still made it work.

I could take pictures of her sleeping everyday.  So precious.

Saturday morning we got ready for Clearwater Lake, THE BEACH, and apparently Mary Rene was in more of a hurry then we were.

If we set her clothes out, and she can reach them, she will try her best to get herself dress.  Sometimes she gets it on right but swimsuits…not so much.  So mommy dressed her and she looked fabulous.

We gladly played the part of Beach Bums and soaked in the sun for a good three hours.

And water bums too.

I asked Frank to get a picture of Mary Rene giving me a kiss but she decided to wipe her sandy hands on my face instead.

Sunday morning, Frank and my dad rented a john boat and did some serious drinking fishing.  Us girls, we hung out on the beach again.

Sunday happened to be my 31st birthday (happy to be celebrating with the two people who gave me life-my mom and dad, and the two people who make my life-Frank and Mary Rene.)  Since Frank left me in the morning to go fishing, I was a good wife and gave him a nice going away gift.

Besides the obvious fact that I didn’t finish painting his toenails, he is a man with pink toe polish.  And well, when you are renting a boat, you usually don’t wear socks.  So yes, someone pointed out Frank’s “cute” toes.  Love you honey!

That night, Frank surprised me with a birthday cake and we indulged.

What a great birthday weekend, spent with the people I love.

Weight:  (no scale in Piedmont!)

Baby Developments: Sweet Pea is approximately 5 pounds and 18 inches long.  She is starting to run out of room and is quickly filling up my uterus.  Movements aren’t as jagged anymore but softer.  Her kidneys and liver are fully developed now.

Pregnancy Signs:   Hot, hot, hot.  This summer is very hot.  The hottest I can recall.  95 plus degrees a few days this week make for one hot and sweaty pregnant woman.  Oh I smell so bad.

Concerns/Thoughts: Decided to not use the co-sleeper and instead we will be converting the crib into a side rail bed.  Which means, from day one, Sweet Pea will be in a crib.  Although it will be attached to our bed but it will be the crib.  Plan right now is to stay in the room until she is approximately four months and then move our bed out…for good.  (So we say.)

But yesterday, Mary Rene’s sunflowers started to bloom!  And on Wednesday, I picked two of the most beautiful squash (thank you Jackie!)

The only successful vegetable in my garden.  There are a few more growing but are not large enough to pick yet.  I plan on frying up some tonight.

After the uncomfortable car ride leaving the fire department on July 5th, Frank and I started talking about upgrading our family vehicle.  Sure the kiddos were save in the back of the Jeep but the driver, primarily me, was not safe.  It clearly was a safety hazard for me to be driving that close to the steering wheel.  I didn’t feel comfortable knowing that my air bag most likely couldn’t protect me in a wreck.

My Jeep was paid off two years ago and we still had a loan on Frank’s car.  It made sense to trade his car in and buy a larger vehicle.  But the Kelly Blue Book price for his car wasn’t as promising as my Jeep.  Unfortunately, we couldn’t trade in my Jeep for a larger vehicle because we would have two loans.  So I did the next best thing and decided to sell my Jeep to a private party.

Last Tuesday, on a whim, I posted my Jeep on craigslist.  (If you’ve never used craigslist, you must give it a try!  We love craigslistand have gotten so many good deals.  My mom just bought a crib with mattress for $40, barely ever used.) Our friends, Emily and Christopher, had just sold their own vehicle that way and said we should give it a shot.  Kelly Blue Book actually gave a higher retail price for selling to a private person then a dealership so it looked like we could come out ahead.

So the ad was placed and the next day I received the first call.  A very nice gentleman was eager to look at my Jeep but Frank was putting Mary Rene to bed and I knew it would be a long night.  So the following day, the gentleman and his wife came by and took the Jeep for a test drive.  I explained everything about the Jeep and why we were selling it.  I honestly have never had any mechanicalproblems with my Jeep, only a cracked windshield and a minor scratch on the side.  The Jeep has been good to me since the day I bought it nearly five years ago.  I never had any problems with it and told them how much I loved my Jeep.  I guess they saw my sincerity and realized I wasn’t trying to sell a lemon.  And well, the protruding belly also helped when I mentioned we needed to upgrade.  They said they would like to discuss it and would get back with me.

I went back in the house and told my mom what happened.  She looked out the window and said they were still sitting outside.  And soon there was a knock on the door.  And with the knock came an offer.  And with the offer came an acceptance.  And with the acceptance came a deposit.

And with that, my Jeep was nearly sold.  I quickly called Frank and told him the unbelievablenews!  I really didn’t think I would sell my Jeep that quick.  But I was honest with the people and sold it for an honest price, no high mark up, so they got a great deal.

The best part is we sold it for much more than we own on Frank’s loan so we have extra, much needed money.   Which will be nice since I will be out of work for a couple months taking care of a baby.  And when you are part-time you don’t get any benefits like short-term disability or maternity leave pay so…yeah, we need the money!  God had a great plan for us and we didn’t even know it.

That night we went to look at minivans.  Since Frank was going out of town it was our only free night to look before my Jeep would be officially sold, as of Monday.  We got to the first dealership at 5:57 p.m. and were told by the salesperson that all dealerships close at 6 .m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  He briefly showed us a Dodge Caravan, very nice, with a good price, but we couldn’t go for a test drive.

We left the dealership and I was planning on driving home since ‘all dealerships closed at 6.’  Frank asked if I would drive across the street to look at the minivan we saw online.  And would ya know it, they stay open until 8 p.m.

And would you know it, we ended up buying a minivan that night.

And would you know it, Mary Rene loves “mommy’s new car.”

She loves all the extra room and was having fun playing in the van.   That was until the two carseats were installed and she realized it wasn’t a toy anymore.

We are loving our minivan, minus the fact that a cable wasn’t connected to the battery and I had to get a jump, which lead to me taking it back to the dealership for a new battery.  Yes, besides that, we love our minivan.  So spacious and sporty. 

I felt like a mom when I was pregnant with Mary Rene.  I really felt like a mom when I held her for the first time.  But driving a minivan adds a new dynamic to this “mom” title.  Now I feel like even more of a mom then before.  Strange, but a minivan will do that to you. 

Happy travels.

I hate to do the “cry it out” method because hearing her cry is gut wrenching but some nights that’s where we are with sleep.  There have been a few nights where I have walked out of the room and shut the door.  I hate doing that but if I don’t, I will lose my mind.  And when we walk back in the room, she grabs our head, pushes it down on the pillow next to her.  She softly cries as she calms down and stares in our eyes.  As if she is saying, “I will stay here sleeping as long as you sleep too.  Please don’t leave me.  I’m begging you, please don’t leave me.“  Really it breaks your heart.

And it breaks Frank’s heart more.  The pregnancy hormones are getting to me and I’m just fed-up.  I hate to feel that way but laying in there watching and waiting until she falls asleep is hard for my body at night.  I start to have coughing fits which takes her longer to settle, my legs start to stiffen up and Sweet Pea starts kicking me.  The bigger I get, the more uncomfortable and I can’t just lay down to sleep.  I need to sit and relax on the couch for a good hour so my body can “slowly shut down” for the night. 

I would love to have the sleeping situation figured out before our little one arrives next month.  But I need to be realistic with myself.  Our little girl knows what she wants and she is definitely holding out.  And well, since we give in most nights, she knows how to work us.

So last week, I gave in, and in a big way. While Frank was at work, I moved our queen size bed out of our new room and moved it back into our old room.  I moved all Mary Rene’s toys and the floor pad into the empty room.  Basically I moved a lot of heavy objects, something I knew would make Frank very upset in my condition, but my hormones took over and well, you can’t stop a pregnant woman.  Just try, I dare you.

So now, Mary Rene has a playroom, with her dresser/changing table and our dresser.

The other room has become the sleeping room with a toddler bed, crib, queen size bed and soon a co-sleeper.  Although I’m thinking that instead of using the co-sleeper we can turn the crib back into the side rail bed like it was a couple months ago.  Save some space.

Sure the three beds make the bigger room much smaller but, Mary Rene was beyond happy.  She was so happy to help me move all the blankets, pillows and stuffed animals.  And once the bed was set up, she  moved all her blankets and stuffed animals from the toddler bed and put them on the main bed.  Clearly setting her claim and making herself “home.”  She knew what had taken place and was very happy.

My plan was to have her sleep in the toddler bed but we would be right next to her.  In the middle of the night it would be much easier for her to slip into our bed.  Mary Rene hasn’t liked the plan though and when it is time for bed, she quickly makes it known that she WILL be sleeping in the main bed.  And well, she has won every night since I moved the bed.  Once she has finally fallen asleep, we have been moving her to the toddler bed.  Even though she will wake up in the middle of the night and move to our bed we are getting her used to her bed.  And well, we are getting a few hours of good sleep with the extra space.  Really need to consider that king size bed.

But enough talk about sleep.  These sleeping issues have caused so much anxiety that it seems like some nights that is all Frank and I talk about.  Sleep, sleep, sleep.  Blah, blah, blah.  But luckily, we are still finding time to stop and smell the roses/flowers.

Or at least Mary Rene is.

The other day I had my swimsuit sitting on the couch and Mary Rene decided to play dress-up.

She could easily be in the next Star Wars film wearing my maternity swimsuit. 

Just for grins, for those that think Mary Rene only looks like Frank… 

Here is my kindergarten picture.  I see a lot of Mary Rene in the youthful version of myself.

Mary Rene is talking away and saying more words and phrases then I can count.  She is growing way too fast for me and I can’t keep up.  Baby girl is growing in so many different ways.  It makes me so sad how fast it goes by.

My senior year of high school, I applied and was accepted to Southern Missouri University in Cape Girardeau.  I went down with my parents for an orientation and even signed up for classes to take the following fall.  But it would have been a two hour drive from St. Louis and my then boyfriend, who was a year younger then me, was heartbroken.  So I chose puppy love over a four year university and decided to go to the local community college the first two years.  Thankfully I liked that guy enough to stay home which leads me to where I am today.  With Frank.  With Mary Rene.  With our soon-to-be Sweet Pea.

After completing my two years at the community college, I was offered a scholarship to Missouri Western University.  Not only did the university offer to pay two full years of tuition, but they also were going to pay me $500 a month for living expenses.  Along with this offer came the job to be editor of their newspaper.  Sweet deal for a college student.  But again, the school was far away and my then boyfriend, different guy, didn’t want me to leave.  So I chose puppy love, again over education and decided to go to a four year university closer to home.  No scholarship.  No living expense stipend.  Nothing at all but puppy love.  Thankfully I liked that guy enough to stay closer to home which leads me to where I am today.  With Frank.  With Mary Rene.  With our soon-to-be Sweet Pea.

I gave up my passion of journalism and public relations for two boys at different points in my life.  (Somehow I ended up in commercial real estate????)  I thank God for those silly boys that helped me make those decisions, which at the time killed me academically and eventually killed my career choices.  But I am thankful for those decisions.

Which lead me to Frank, Mary Rene, and Sweet Pea. 

I love how everything works out the way it should.  Nine out of 10 times, you wouldn’t realize why something happened at the given time.  But later on, you’ll look back, and you’ll be thankful for the choices you made.  A choice that at the time you thought was really stupid, a choice that even a year later you thought was stupid (especially after the break up!)  But a choice, once everything is settled, you’ll be thankful you made.

I’m thankful for all the bad choices I made in my life.  Every wrong turn ended up making a right turn somewhere along the way.  I’ve learned from the mistakes I’ve made, tried not to make them again, even though I have time and time again, but I’ve taking my errors and turned them into principles I can apply in life.

I don’t have any regrets; none at all.  And I’ve done some terrible things, I’m sure of it.  But all the ugly in my life has led me to here, sitting at my dining room table, listening to Sophie B snore while Mary Rene naps in the other room.

I didn’t become a world famous journalist like I wanted to as a young adult.  I’m sure that has to do with the choices I made when it came to puppy love.  But I’ve become something better than famous, I’ve become me.  And honestly, I love who I have become because I’m surrounded by such great people that make my life fulfilling.  More fulfilling then any New York Times Bestseller could do.

Cheers to making bad decisions, learning from them, and becoming the person you are today.

She’s hiding in there somewhere!

Weight: 155

Baby Developments:  Sweet Pea is approximately 4 3/4 pounds and nearly 18 inches long.  Her fat layers are filling out, which will help regulate her body temperature when she is born.  Her lungs are continuing to grown and mature, along with the rest of her precious body.

Pregnancy Signs: Friday night, once Mary Rene was in bed, I started to get major back pains.  It hurt so bad that I didn’t want to get off the couch and walk.  I guess the day was just wearing on me because Frank is out of town so I’m holding up the fort alone.  But back pains were good because it forced me to sit on the couch and read a magazine and…relax!  A word not easily found in my personal dictionary.  Saturday, when Mary Rene went to bed, (which took two hours!) I was beyond the “just relax on the couch” stage and ended up soaking in a bath of bubbles.  Oh I needed that. 

Concerns/Thoughts: I opened up all the packages of newborn diapers and put them in the second diaper bag to be ready for Sweet Pea.  Mary Rene’s cloth diapers were sitting near by and I compared the two sizes and was in absolute shock.  These two are going to be such different sizes it snapped me into reality…I am having a baby.  Not a toddler, but a precious tiny little baby.  Oh, sweet baby.  Can’t wait to meet her.

Speaking of diapers, my sweet mom made a very sweet diaper cake for our little Sweet Pea.  So much talent.  Thanks mom!